Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.
Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination.
Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.
To me, 'sexual freedom' means freedom from having to have sex.
Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.
Many times I sit back and say, 'I can't believe that this is my life!' Other times, I feel self-satisfied. I mean, there's a lot to be proud and thankful for but, nonetheless, it's just a life!
I have always wanted to be somebody but I see now I should have been more specific.
If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?
I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.
I grew up in a time when women didn't really do comedy. You had to be homely, overweight, an old maid, all that. You had to play a stereotype, because very attractive women were not supposed to be fun...
The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
Don't be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed.
Remember we're all in this alone.
If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?
Why is it when we talk to God we are said to be praying and when God talks to us we're said to be schizophrenic?
For fast-acting relief try slowing down.
You know being relevant or coming up with something interesting, funny to say about what's current is just as hard as it might ever be depending on the serendipity of it all.
I've always wanted to be somebody but I see now I should have been more specific.
I guess if people couldn't profit from war I don't think there would be war.