Milk, powdered heavy cream, and powdered butter. Didn’t know a lot of these products existed,
All it took to succeed was to stop listening to my internal critic and to just start doing.
You know why I love HGTV? It's not just that I get a peek into other people's lives. It's that everyone's always thrilled with the end result, whether they're redecorating an unfortunate room, selling...
We are middle-aged. This is what happens. All the same nonsense that comes with puberty occurs again during perimenopause—the hormone surges, the moodiness, and the hair appearing where there wasn’t h...
This toffee tastes like war or Lucifer’s tears. This toffee is a molten pool of broken Christmas promises. If sadness had a flavor, it would be the contents of the Pyrex.
The only force more powerful than what’s about to befoul the checkout line is my passionate abhorrence for the lyric Yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip / Mum mum mum mum mum mum / Get a job, so I manage...
Owning a dog is slightly less expensive than being addicted to crack.
Kiss the fattest part of my ass
I’m through stopping midconversation to post a funny quote because I feel like it’s my job. I’m done creating link-bait. I’m going to be in the moment rather than upload the moment, because the purpos...
If you're in the midst of a midlife crisis, you could buy a convertible, have an affair, or upgrade your cup size. But you'll probably be happiest if you save a dog's life.
I would rather receive a Pap smear from Captain Hook than venture out on New Year's Eve.
I bet if I spent less time with the television and more time pursuing activities that enhance my life and expand my knowledge, I won't freeze up in business or social situations.
I HAVE to stay here. I simply have to. To be honest, too much of my identity comes from possessing this space. As my job used to define me, living here’s all I have left. This apartment makes it OK th...
Dessert is my reward for having met my goals during the day. Really, dessert is an event rather than a specific item.
But how come no one says anything to my face? I do dozens of events per year and I’ve met thousands of readers, and every single person I’ve ever encountered has been lovely. Why is that, I wonder? Am...
As I paddle along, I slowly become aware that it's been fear keeping me out of this pool for so many years. I never came here before because I was afraid I'd make a fool of myself by not having the en...
Ever since I made the decision to drop a few pounds—way less easy than it sounds, by the way—I’ve become obsessed with my size, and in so doing I’ve inadvertently allowed my inner critic to have a voi...
At a health and fitness fair)Though normally superconfident, I am not prepared for the judgmental stares of the ultrafit. They don't know me and have no idea of my prowess in the boardroom. They're un...
You want to change? Lose the bitch. Be nicer to people. Stop telling them to "bite you" and threatening to kick them until they're dead.
You know that peanut butter’s now considered a hate crime? Because it totally is.]