Jen Lancaster Quotes

You know what else I haven’t seen? Home stores. I’ve not passed the equivalent of Restoration Hardware or Crate and Barrel or Pottery Barn, so I get the feeling that no one’s killing themselves workin...

Except for thinking up reasons I’m allowed to skip the gym, my schedule is almost totally empty. (Today’s reason is because I have a cold. Yesterday’s was the dogs seemed sad.

I'm the person who says every single thing she thinks, sometimes to others' amusement, and almost always to my detriment.

If I may, I’d like to take a moment to praise Mark Zuckerberg’s parents for not procreating sooner. Praise be to all that is holy that Facebook didn’t exist when I was that age and the Internet then w...

I’m through stopping midconversation to post a funny quote because I feel like it’s my job. I’m done creating link-bait. I’m going to be in the moment rather than upload the moment, because the purpos...

I’ve come to realize this isn’t real and there’s no substitute for actual interaction. The difference between social media and a social life is the difference between eating a marshmallow Peep and din...

Love at first sight is only a thing regarding dogs or designer purses.

My whole life I’ve harbored a resentment toward those who could ride no-handed. To this day, I can’t even sit on an exercise bike without clinging to the handlebars with a serious G.I.-Joe- kung-fu gr...

Nothing gives me greater pleasure than to say yes, only to have my plans fall through at the last minute and I can take off my regular-people clothes and redon my paint-splattered yoga pants.

Owning a dog is slightly less expensive than being addicted to crack.

This should be easy because I’ve fallen out of love with Facebook. First, I want to be the kind of friend who hears about others’ milestones in person. I hate learning about major life events buried i...

This toffee tastes like war or Lucifer’s tears. This toffee is a molten pool of broken Christmas promises. If sadness had a flavor, it would be the contents of the Pyrex.

You know why I love HGTV? It's not just that I get a peek into other people's lives. It's that everyone's always thrilled with the end result, whether they're redecorating an unfortunate room, selling...

All it took to succeed was to stop listening to my internal critic and to just start doing.

Donut can give you the kind of hug from inside that celery just can’t muster.

Fund-raising calls; I have to depose a witness that day! Sure, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, that’s fine. But when we can’t buy new beakers for the science lab and your daughter’s lack of a STEM education lead...

Lives are meant to be our lives, and not a facade presented for the consumption of others; or, WE ARE NOT A MAGAZINE. I worry that younger women are striving so hard to present a compelling story via...

Milk, powdered heavy cream, and powdered butter. Didn’t know a lot of these products existed,

Yesterday in the airport I spent ten minutes expounding on the virtues of Bethenny Frankel from the New York season of the Real Housewives until I realized the person next to me had been talking about...

Jen gets completely sloshed and it's her wedding)I was supposed to meet Carol and her family at the aquarium the next morning, and somehow had the presence of mind to leave a voicemail apologizing in...