Let me phrase it like this—do you want to live in the kitchen for the next four days, sweating your ass off while you make a meal it will take twenty minutes to eat? Do you want to attack a pile of di...
I’ve always wanted to take a swim wherever it is they snap those screensaver photos—Fiji? Bora Bora? The Maldives?—and sleep in a hotel room that’s more of a hut built on a dock over the water. After...
I'm the person who says every single thing she thinks, sometimes to others' amusement, and almost always to my detriment.
Except for thinking up reasons I’m allowed to skip the gym, my schedule is almost totally empty. (Today’s reason is because I have a cold. Yesterday’s was the dogs seemed sad.
Yesterday in the airport I spent ten minutes expounding on the virtues of Bethenny Frankel from the New York season of the Real Housewives until I realized the person next to me had been talking about...
Lives are meant to be our lives, and not a facade presented for the consumption of others; or, WE ARE NOT A MAGAZINE. I worry that younger women are striving so hard to present a compelling story via...
Donut can give you the kind of hug from inside that celery just can’t muster.
You know what else I haven’t seen? Home stores. I’ve not passed the equivalent of Restoration Hardware or Crate and Barrel or Pottery Barn, so I get the feeling that no one’s killing themselves workin...
What is it about people casually eating apples that’s so infuriating? There’s nothing inherently aggravating about someone eating grapes or an orange, but an apple?
We are middle-aged. This is what happens. All the same nonsense that comes with puberty occurs again during perimenopause—the hormone surges, the moodiness, and the hair appearing where there wasn’t h...
She makes tsk-tsk sounds as she unpacks grocery sacks full of Pop-Tarts, mini chimichangas, and a frozen patty-based product called Chykyn Wingzz, which I suspect contains neither chicken nor wings. K...
Owning a dog is slightly less expensive than being addicted to crack.
Did you get my e-mail? I’ll take What Are the Five Most Terrifying Words the Elderly Can Ever Utter? for two hundred, Alex. Wait,
But how come no one says anything to my face? I do dozens of events per year and I’ve met thousands of readers, and every single person I’ve ever encountered has been lovely. Why is that, I wonder? Am...
At a health and fitness fair)Though normally superconfident, I am not prepared for the judgmental stares of the ultrafit. They don't know me and have no idea of my prowess in the boardroom. They're un...
You know that peanut butter’s now considered a hate crime? Because it totally is.]
Milk, powdered heavy cream, and powdered butter. Didn’t know a lot of these products existed,
All it took to succeed was to stop listening to my internal critic and to just start doing.
You know why I love HGTV? It's not just that I get a peek into other people's lives. It's that everyone's always thrilled with the end result, whether they're redecorating an unfortunate room, selling...
You know what? We need a recession in this country, because that would finally weed out all the subnormal, underdeveloped, stupefied, puerile people in this workforce.