“ My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this. Jeff Foxworthy
“ You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education. Jeff Foxworthy
“ I say, If everybody in this house lives where it's God first, friends and family second and you third, we won't ever have an argument. Jeff Foxworthy
“ My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they t… Jeff Foxworthy
“ I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did. Jeff Foxworthy
“ If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck. Jeff Foxworthy
“ The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house. Jeff Foxworthy
“ If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'yo… Jeff Foxworthy
“ If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck. Jeff Foxworthy
“ Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work. Jeff Foxworthy
“ For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors. Jeff Foxworthy
“ My grandma's the most careful, safe driver in the world. You put her in a rental car, and she's doing doughnuts in the K-Mart parking lot! Jeff Foxworthy
“ I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family. Jeff Foxworthy
“ I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When shes in a good mood it turns blue, but when shes in a bad mood theres a red mark across my forehead Jeff Foxworthy
“ We're all screwed up. And the way Christians mess things up is we act like we've got it going on. And if we would just stay in that place of, 'Hey, we're all screwed up and but for the grace of God, n… Jeff Foxworthy
