Love is like encountering a forest and having to chop down every tree but one. Oh, and you have to chop down each tree by hugging it until it falls.
I love that she loves me a 10, on a 5-point scale. Well, I know it’s a 5-point scale, though I asked her on a 1-100 scale.
I make love like a snake disguised as an elephant and a donkey. But I mustn’t talk about sexual congress and Congress simultaneously.
I am the Trolley of Love. Free rides before noon and after 11:58 am!
I am in love, and the river is beginning to ice over. I’d better go drown myself before I freeze to death.
I'm a dog lover and sex addict. Those two things are unrelated.
In bed, I can go for hours. Oh yes, I love naps.
We had an unspoken love for one another. Probably because she’d never talk to me or return my phone calls or texts.
She told me she loved me. She told me a lot of things. Some of those things were true, and some of those may or may not have been true. It’s kind of hard to tell, because to be honest, I wasn’t listen...
Love is a banana. First you peel it, and then you roll on the condom.
I unwrapped my love for her like one might unwrap leftovers. Gotta eat up the old stuff first, as a cannibal might say in a retirement home.
I love like I’m thirsty. Can I offer you a tall glass of Sahara sand?
Love is inaudible—until you hear it. And once you do, you’ll never forget the sound of her voice.
She gave me money to buy condoms, and instead I bought a book of baby names. That’s life. That’s love. That’s fiscally irresponsible.
I had a dream about you. At first you were a mannequin, and I was a fashion designer. Then, inexplicably, we switched roles and I became the mannequin. But instead of putting clothes on me, you laughe...
I had a dream about you. You looked like you, but you also looked like a mannequin. And I looked like me, but I also looked like a mannequin. Between the two of us, we were too fake even for Hollywood...
I had a dream about you. In my dream I stole all your money, kidnapped your parents, and mailed you mannequin parts spray-painted red in a series of packages that also included ransom notes. Then, tow...
I had a dream about you. We installed Dr. Robert Jarvik’s artificial heart in a mannequin and brought it to life, only to later kill it because a creature that’s all fake heart and no brain is what’s...
If I could bronze my love, it’d be worthy of a silver medal.
She asked if I loved another woman, so I answered honestly and said, “Dinner was great, but I could go for dessert.
