Daniel Tosh Quote

Oh honey, someday a real man is going to make you see stars and you won't even be looking at the sky." Excerpt from Grace Willow's Last Minute Bride

People who are not blessed with the ability to make others laugh compensate for that by saying (or trying to say) things that are profound.

Of all funny things, truth is the funniest.

You can't fight hatred with hatred and expect anyone to listen to you. You can only try to lessen it with humor, wit, truth and commonsense. If that doesn't work run like hell, while they throw rocks...

That was 1993 grunge in suburbia. This was 2003 hell in Harlem. (Dark City Lights)

There is a moment of sheer panic when I realize that Paul's apartment overlooks the park... and is obviously more expensive than mine.

They're so broke that they've actually cut essential services. In many places, they've cut policemen, because, who the fuck needs them? Or firemen, son of a bitch, it's much more fun watching somethin...

Are we not all actors playing parts in another person's play?

If the weight comes from bacon you can so deduct it off the scale total to get your true weight. #science

The dimple in his left cheek was ironic-it gave the impression that he was sweet as a cupcake. (Dark City Lights)