You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
The audience was swell. They were so polite they covered their mouths when they yawned.
If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.
If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap.
We had a very successful trip to Russia we got back.
I don't generally feel anything until noon then it's time for my nap.
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.
It you watch a game it's fun. If you play it it's recreation. If you work at it it's golf.
If you haven't got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.
I was lucky I wasn't a better boxer or that's what I'd be now - a punchy ex-pug.
A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?
When we recall Christmas past, we usually find that the simplest things - not the great occasions - give off the greatest glow of happiness.
When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things - not the great occasions - that in retrospect give off the greatest glow of happiness.
When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.
I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.
My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?
I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.
I have the perfect simplified tax form for government. Why don't they just print our money with a return address on it?