Destiny n: a tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.
Cynicism is that blackguard defect of vision which compels us to see the world as it is instead of as it should be.
One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
Abstainer: a weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
DOG: A kind of additional or subsidiary Diety designed to catch the overflow or surplus of the world's worship.
The slightest acquaintance with history shows that powerful republics are the most warlike and unscrupulous of nations.
Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.
Christian: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbour.
In the presence of death reason and philosophy are silent
Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.
Sabbath - a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.
Perseverance n.: A lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves a glorious success.
Achievement: The death of an endeavor and the birth of disgust.
Epitaph n: an inscription on a tomb showing that virtues acquired by death have a retroactive effect.
A statesman who is enamored of existing evils as distin-quished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for, And if allowed Would be right proud Eternally to die for.
Beware of the compound adjective, beloved of the tyro and the 'poetess'.
Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.
What this country needs what every country needs occasionally is a good hard bloody war to revive the vice of patriotism on which its existence as a nation depends.
Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.