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Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.

George Bernard Shaw

Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.

George Bernard Shaw

Tags: funny, life

I was asked to act when I couldn't act. I was asked to sing 'Funny Face' when I couldn't sing, and dance with Fred Astaire when I couldn't dance - and do all kinds of things I wasn't prepared for. The...

Audrey Hepburn

I was asked to act when I couldn't act. I was asked to sing 'Funny Face' when I couldn't sing, and dance with Fred Astaire when I couldn't dance - and do all kinds of things I wasn't prepared for. The...

Audrey Hepburn

Tags: funny, dance, face, mad

Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish.

Chevy Chase

Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish.

Chevy Chase

Tags: funny, great, personality, goldfish

Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint.

Don Marquis

Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint.

Don Marquis

Tags: funny, cloud, sometimes, difficult

Never put a sock in a toaster.

Eddie Izzard

Never put a sock in a toaster.

Eddie Izzard

Tags: funny, never, toaster, put

Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative.

Henry A. Kissinger

Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative.

Henry A. Kissinger

Tags: funny, thought, virtue, moderation

Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.

Brooke Shields

Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.

Brooke Shields

Tags: funny, life, lost, smoking

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

Billy Connolly

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

Billy Connolly

Tags: funny, red, army, see

It's simple, if it jiggles, it's fat.

Arnold Schwarzenegger

It's simple, if it jiggles, it's fat.

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Tags: funny, simple, fat

They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.

Clint Eastwood

They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.

Clint Eastwood

Tags: funny, heaven, lightning, they say

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.

Oscar Levant

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.

Oscar Levant

Tags: funny, blue, roses, red

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Lana Turner

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Lana Turner

Tags: funny, money, man, wife

Nobody ever chooses the already unfortunate as objects of his loyal friendship.

Lucan

Nobody ever chooses the already unfortunate as objects of his loyal friendship.

Lucan

Tags: friendship, nobody, loyal, objects

The most deadly fruit is borne by the hatred which one grafts on an extinguished friendship.

Gotthold Ephraim Lessing

The most deadly fruit is borne by the hatred which one grafts on an extinguished friendship.

Gotthold Ephraim Lessing

Tags: friendship, fruit, hatred, which

Friendship is mutual blackmail elevated to the level of love.

Robin Morgan

Friendship is mutual blackmail elevated to the level of love.

Robin Morgan

Tags: friendship, love, level, mutual

Marriage is the highest state of friendship. If happy, it lessens our cares by dividing them, at the same time that it doubles our pleasures by mutual participation.

Samuel Richardson

Marriage is the highest state of friendship. If happy, it lessens our cares by dividing them, at the same time that it doubles our pleasures by mutual participation.

Samuel Richardson

Tags: friendship, marriage, time, happy

No matter what message you are about to deliver somewhere, whether it is holding out a hand of friendship, or making clear that you disapprove of something, is the fact that the person sitting across...

Madeleine Albright

No matter what message you are about to deliver somewhere, whether it is holding out a hand of friendship, or making clear that you disapprove of something, is the fact that the person sitting across...

Madeleine Albright

Tags: friendship, goal, you, human

No distance of place or lapse of time can lessen the friendship of those who are thoroughly persuaded of each other's worth.

Robert Southey

No distance of place or lapse of time can lessen the friendship of those who are thoroughly persuaded of each other's worth.

Robert Southey

Tags: friendship, time, distance, place

Love, friendship and respect do not unite people as much as a common hatred for something.

Anton Chekhov

Love, friendship and respect do not unite people as much as a common hatred for something.

Anton Chekhov

Tags: friendship, respect, love, people

What sweetness is left in life, if you take away friendship? Robbing life of friendship is like robbing the world of the sun. A true friend is more to be esteemed than kinsfolk.

Marcus Tullius Cicero

What sweetness is left in life, if you take away friendship? Robbing life of friendship is like robbing the world of the sun. A true friend is more to be esteemed than kinsfolk.

Marcus Tullius Cicero

Tags: friendship, life, true friend, sun
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