Self-pity is spiritual suicide. It is an indefensible self-mutilation of the soul.
Why’d you want to kill yourself? Didn’t you feel anything, or didn’t it hurt you? Mandy questioned, looking puzzled. Yes, I suppose it did, … it was strange, it was sharp, that’s all I can think of to...
I tried cutting myself to express my heartbreak over Tommy (Lord Flood) rejecting me, but OMFG it hurts like flaming fuck.
I will no longer mutilate and destroy myself in order to find a secret behind the ruins.
If I could open a vein. Not to inject any shit, I will never weaken like that again, but just to feel the kick of it, the old memory. So this numbness lifts. So I could get back there easier.
If a heart could fail in its pumping, a lung in its breathing, then why not a brain in its thinking, rendering the world forever askew, like a television with bad reception? And couldn't a brain fail...
That's when I wanted to cut. I cut to quiet the cacophony. I cut to end this abstracted agony, to reel my selves back to one present and physical whole, whose blood was the proof of her tangibility.
The scabs feel like I have a message on my arm. Something that needs to be read, urgently, by someone. It was only years later that I realized the person I had written that message to- the person who...