Top Humour Quotes

Thought about being a stand up comedienne for zombies, but when they eat you alive, they really eat you!!

Time travel is complicated, or so we think, since we have not yet managed to actually figure out how to do it.

I stared in awe at the Lincoln Memorial. If Honest Abe had come to life and somehow managed to lift his bony twenty-three-foot, four-inch frame from his throne, what would he say? What would he do? Wo...

Spike: Bloody hell, woman, you're cutting off my circulation!Buffy: You don't have any circulation.Spike: Well, it pinches

Ah, if only we were born roaring with laughter and took that emotional template through life with us! Whoever's in charge seriously messed up somewhere. I can only hope that right now, that selfsame W...

Life is a windowless room in the Hotel Bellevue.

Trunk took a chocolate bar out an inside pocket, ripped the paper and spat it, stuck the end of the bar in his mouth, bit off a huge chunk. He chewed, cheeks bulging, then took out a small silver hip...

Keeping an active mind has been vital to my survival, as has been maintaining a sense of humor.

The Romans always wanted bread and circuses-food and entertainement! As we destroy their city, I will offer them both. Behold, a sample!"Someething dropped from the ceiling and landed at Percy's feet:...

It went automatically to a heavy-weight mother with beetling eyebrows who looked as if she had just come from doing a spot of knitting at the foot of the guillotine.

Recognising, as I do, that you are the second highest expert in Europe--Indeed, sir! May I inquire who has the honour to be the first? Asked Holmes, with some asperity.To the man of precised, scientif...

A few years ago it dawned on me that everybody past a certain age ... pretty much constantly dreams of being able to escape from their lives. They don't want to be who they are any more. They want out...

A million possible endearments ran through his head. But he said, Help.

D'you think he would have thought ahead like that? said Henry. Assuredly, said Will. The man's a strategist. He tapped his temple. Like me.

Does it give you déjà voodoo how alike the houses are?That's déjà vu, and I hate you right now

Elsie eyed him puzzledly, and then offered, Would you like to see my plate?

Fredrika Bimm, what do you think you're doing?Freaking out. Losing my mind. Thinking about snapping your husband's spine. Squashing the urge to vomit. Wishing I had died at childbirth.Oh, you say that...

GUIL: It [Hamlet's madness] really boils down to symptoms. Pregnant replies, mystic allusions, mistaken identities, arguing his father is his mother, that sort of thing; intimations of suicide, forgoi...

Good morning, she said. Are you drunk?She noticed what a split second it took for him to flare into aggression. Do I look it?No. Where is Citizen Danton?I’ve done away with him. I’ve been busy dismemb...

Had that poor Reilly kook really been proud of Levy Pants? He had always said that he was. That was one good sign of his insanity.