Top Humor Quotes

Dealing with jackasses on every front today. Good thing I have tiger blood and Adonis DNA. (Charlie Sheen Reference)

After seven days of fasten so it was, that the thoughts of my heart were very grievous unto me- and my soul recovered the spirit of understanding.

Humor Definition

(n.) Moisture, especially, the moisture or fluid of animal bodies, as the chyle, lymph, etc.; as, the humors of the eye, etc.

(n.) A vitiated or morbid animal fluid, such as often causes an eruption on the skin.

(n.) State of mind, whether habitual or temporary (as formerly supposed to depend on the character or combination of the fluids of the body); disposition; temper; mood; as, good humor; ill humor.

(n.) Changing and uncertain states of mind; caprices; freaks; vagaries; whims.

(n.) That quality of the imagination which gives to ideas an incongruous or fantastic turn, and tends to excite laughter or mirth by ludicrous images or representations; a playful fancy; facetiousness.

(v. t.) To comply with the humor of; to adjust matters so as suit the peculiarities, caprices, or exigencies of; to adapt one's self to; to indulge by skillful adaptation; as, to humor the mind.

(v. t.) To help on by indulgence or compliant treatment; to soothe; to gratify; to please.

When you are standing in the middle of a storm you have two choices: Pray to God that it goes away. Or, start praying to God that he gives you the wisdom to figure out why you're standing in the middl...

The au pair was bug-eyed. What happened back there?It's not our fault! Dan babbled. Those guys are crazy! They're like mini-Darth Vaders without the mask!They're Benedictine monks! Nellie exclaimed. T...

This little piggy went to HadesThis little piggy stayed homeThis little piggy ate raw and steaming human flesh

The society killed Kendra.

And this? Aldhelm of Malmesbury. Listen to this page: 'Primitus pantorum procerum poematorum pio potissimum paternoque presertim privilegio panegiricum poemataque passim prosatori sub polo promulgatas...

There is a certain delightful sort of hope which the introvert can receive only by having company over...the hope that they will leave soon.

Me and Katy look adorkable in extraterrestrialhighway shirts. You would just look stupid. You can thank me later.

Hermes's eyes twinkled. Martha, may I have the first package, please?Martha opened her mouth ... and kept opening it until it was as wide as my arm. She belched out a stainless steel canister-an old-f...

Paradox /pera,daks/ noun1. Being told to wake up and come back to reality by your family and friends, while being dragged to church to hear a lesson on Jonah and the whale, followed by a sermon on be...

FABLEHAVEN: None who enter will leave unchanged. Trespassers will be turned to stone.

There is an old saying, or should be, that it is a wise economist who recognizes the scope of his own generalizations.

Along with voting, jury duty, and paying taxes, goofing off is one of the central obligations of American citizenship. So when my friends Joel and Stephen and I play hooky from our jobs in the middle...

Also unfortunately, Congress is far too busy asking if baseball players are really as strong as they seem and trying to choke bankers with wads of cash to grant more funds to such trifling matters as...

If typos are God's way of keeping a writer humble, plot holes certainly keeps one on their knees.

To be really mediæval one should have no body. To be really modern one should have no soul. To be really Greek one should have no clothes.

She paused in the doorway, tipping her head to consider Brittany, who only glared. "You're right. I think most girls don't look like the tooth fairy dresses them every day.

Captain! To your left there’s a Lunar guard and on your right is a doctor who’s running tests on Lunars and I’m being held by one of Levana’s wolf hybrids and please be careful!Thorne took a step back...

Like as thou canst do none of these things that I have spoken of, even so canst thou not find out my judgment, or in the end the love that I have promised unto my people.