I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.
I do not believe in an afterlife although I am bringing a change of underwear.
The worst that you can say about him (God) is that basically he's an underachiever.
One must have one's delusions to live. If you look at life too honestly and clearly, life becomes unbearable because it's a pretty grim enterprise, you will admit.
My brain? That's my second favorite organ.
To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to l...
Eighty percent of success is showing up.
The heart is a very, very resilient little muscle. It really is.
I wonder if Socrates and Plato took a house on Crete during the summer.
I broke up with this girl, and they put me with a psychiatrist who said, 'Why did you get so depressed, and do all those things you did?' I said, 'I wanted this girl and she left me.'And he said,'Well...
Allan: That's quite a lovely Jackson Pollock, isn't it?Museum Girl: Yes, it is.Allan: What does it say to you?Museum Girl: It restates the negativeness of the universe. The hideous lonely emptiness of...
The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
You rely too much on brain. The brain is the most overrated organ.
I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!
Why not? Life is short, life is dull, life is full of pain - and this is a chance for something special.
If I could only see one miracle just one miracle. Like a burning bush or the seas part or my uncle Sasha pick up a check.
Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have you declared legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.
The best thing to do is to behave in a manner befitting one's age. If you are sixteen and under try not to go bald.
Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you can get between the right man and the right woman.
Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!