Why do all the men I know put their shoes on incredibly slowly? When I tie my shoelaces I can do it standing, and I’m out the door in about ten seconds. (Or, more often, I don’t even tie my shoelaces....
When I played the I don’t feel comfortable card, he knew it was over. I don’t feel comfortable is the classic manipulative girl get-my-way line. It’s right up there with I don’t feel entirely safe. Wa...
We never needed best friend gear because I guess with real friends you don’t have to make it official. It just is.
We have to help our girls and teach them to be confident.' Well, guess what, young girls. You aren't damsels in distress. You aren't hostages to words of your peers. You aren't the victims that even y...
They gave you that trophy so you wouldn’t feel bad, not because you deserved it. You should know the difference.
There Has Ceased to Be a Difference Between My Awake Clothes and My Asleep Clothes
That was the moment when I realized how cool my life is. I was trying to hit on a guy and was being interrupted by the president of the United States.
One thing you should know about me is that I am not a hugger. For the record, in New York, that is a perfectly acceptable way to be. If you hug someone there they are either a person in your immediate...
One good thing about New York is that most people function daily while in a low-grade depression.
I’ve enjoyed an endless supply of free paper, paperclips, envelopes, and office supplies since joining The Office, because I steal props on a regular basis.
It’s been proven that writers are funnier when they are demoralized.
It was a sure sign of guilt: giving too much information about my cover story was
Interspecies Friendships. A smart, small observational show about two animals who are friends against all odds.
If you can’t handle providing all the courses for your dinner party, you can’t handle the hosting duties of a dinner party.
IF OUR PHONE CONVERSATION GETS DISCONNECTED, THERE’S NO NEED TO CALL BACK I get it. You get it. We take forever getting off the phone anyway. This was a blessing.
I'm not talking about commitment to romantic relationships. I'm talking about commitment to things: houses, jobs, neighborhoods. Having a job that requires a contract. Paying a mortgage. I think when...
I was just a friendly thirty-four-year-old TV actress looking for a boyfriend who didn’t have a neck tattoo.
I really ought to send him some money, but, honestly, he doesn’t need it. He has that sweet Despicable Me money.
I love diet soda; when I drink juice or regular soda it makes my blood sugar spike and I act like a cracked out Rachael Ray, but without the helpful household tips.
I got a text. It was Will, on Air Force One, about to take off back to Washington: I should’ve kissed you. That’s on me.