I walked in on my folks doing it doggy style less than four hours ago.Waitress! Jonas screamed, clicking his fingers madly. Bring two! then, more quietly,You want a neck massage? A bedtime story? A bu...
I stared harder. Come on, vampire mojo. Do your thing. Don't. Kill. Yourself. Why. Are you. Talking. Like this?
I hated driving, so found this impressive. It’s soooo boring. And just when you get going, some asshat Statie pulls you over. Like there aren’t any murders and rapes going on, so they can nap under br...
I fucking hate tomato juice! It’s like drinking red snot.
I can't believe we're bribing our future queen with designer shoes.
He snarled at me. This isn't over yet, Betsy.Excellent, I said. I would also have accepted 'You haven't seen the last of me' and 'You'll regret this'.
AT&T works in Hell. I can’t think about it very long or I’ll get really, really scared of AT&T.
A grumpy vampire is a homicidal vampire. Hungry ones were even worse.
But that is not my scene and I'm outta here.His hand shot out and grabbed me above the elbow. Indeed, but you'll accompany me, I think. The stone face cracked and he almost smiled. I insist on the ple...
Why don't you mind your own fucking business? I snapped. If I want to take my sister to my place of business, that's my own damned business and not any of your business. Was I overusing the word busin...
Touch my things again, whether I'm dead or not, and I'll kick your ass up into your shoulder blades.
Too fucking busy, and vice versa. —DOROTHY PARKER,
Sinclair doesn't love your sister. Not yet. I said darkly. Give him time.Look, I'm sure he's interested in her—Wait till you see her. Just wait.Like he doesn't have pussy thrown at him from cars?What...
It's a long story. Prepared to be regaled.
It was scary how much she sounded like me sometimes. Maybe that's why she totally got on my nerves
I slipped one of the shoes off, looked at the inside. Property of Antonia O'Neill Taylor. I knew it. My stepmother! The bitch meant to bury me wearing her cast off shoes!
I ducked again as her Hellfire sword whistled over my head, and sidestepped so quickly I tripped over a chair. I was in such a hurry to scramble to my feet that for a few seconds I ran in place, like...
For whatever reason, AT&T works in Hell. I can’t think about it very long or I’ll get really, really scared of AT&T. By
Crying's okay while it lasts, but you can only do it for so long. And it's weird to do it when you apparently can't make tears anymore (did this mean I wouldn't pee or sweat, either?). Anyway, eventua...
You just never knew when a totally normal vampire errand would end in a bloodbath with severed-limb soap.