Too fucking busy, and vice versa. —DOROTHY PARKER,
I’m so dull, the fucking cat runs away about three times a month just to get a little excitement. And
I suppose I should say something negative about vampires living in sin, Father Markus said, but that seems to be the least of your problems.
How's your grandpa?Still worried that your blackness will infect me.That's the plan. First you, then all the other blondes, and then on to brunettes and redheads. Once we have the womenfolk, all the b...
Honestly. Do guys really think that will fool us? 'Whoa, hi there, John. Gosh, for a second there I thought you were going bald, but I see now that you have a full, lush head of hair. Which grows side...
Fredrika Bimm, what do you think you're doing?Freaking out. Losing my mind. Thinking about snapping your husband's spine. Squashing the urge to vomit. Wishing I had died at childbirth.Oh, you say that...
And nothing against the Dicks and Richards of the world, but I always disliked that one. Call me immature if you like—I’ve earned it many times over—but come on: The word. Is slang. For penis. If he w...
You know, they did let you have that room, I said. In fact, I think they’re assuming you’ll use it, as opposed to lingering in strange hallways.She responded to me with, Girl, I am bored outta my tits...
What the hell was it about e-mail that made everybody forget the stuff they learned in second grade, like capitalizing I and proper names, and using periods? Hello? We all learned how to do this less...
There's more than one way for a girl to Google a cat.
She couldn't tell where his pupils ended and the irises began; looking into those eyes was like looking into a well where children had drowned.
I was so furious I was actually dizzy with it. There were so many bitchy, sarcastic observations to make, I was having a sarcasm stroke. My God! You people! You're - you're so stupid you're making my...
I turned. Tall, Dark, and Sinister was rapidly approaching.
I looked up. Mom looked down at me with the compassion/practicality combo that was her trademark.
I fucking hate tomato juice! It’s like drinking red snot.
I ducked again as her Hellfire sword whistled over my head, and sidestepped so quickly I tripped over a chair. I was in such a hurry to scramble to my feet that for a few seconds I ran in place, like...
I can't believe we're bribing our future queen with designer shoes.
First of all, skim? That’s white water. That’s all skim milk is: they take out all the wonderful stuff that makes milk taste like milk and replace it with white water and people actually drink that sh...
Eric came to Macy's? Did he burst into flames the moment he passed the first cash register?
AT&T works in Hell. I can’t think about it very long or I’ll get really, really scared of AT&T.