I mean, I wouldn't have wanted to be recognized. But I was kind of a prude about cheating on taxes, group sex, murder, and stuff.
I could have gone to medical school, I said. Except for all the math and stuff.
Getting gratitude is becoming a thing with you, but even so, you're the worst Antichrist ever, Jessica said. Which is actually comforting. Stay close.
Can you burn me up with holy water? Poke me to death with your crucifix? Pelt me with communion wafers?
Andrew Vachss, the best noir-ey writer in the history of the genre, called cats the lap dancers of the animal world. Give them attention, they’re there. Stop, they’re outta there.
I always knew I'd keep at it with the plodding doggedness that I used to master lump-less gravy and wriggle out of fitness classes; I always knew I'd get a zillion rejection slips. I figured I'd write...
You know, they did let you have that room, I said. In fact, I think they’re assuming you’ll use it, as opposed to lingering in strange hallways.She responded to me with, Girl, I am bored outta my tits...
You don't scare me, Cadence Jones. I've lived with crazy, I've ridden with crazy, I've vacationed with crazy, I've visited crazy in various hospitals, I've sat in on therapy sessions with crazy. Frank...
Wow, girlfriend, you're incompatible with life!And here I thought I was just incompatible with pink.
What the hell was it about e-mail that made everybody forget the stuff they learned in second grade, like capitalizing I and proper names, and using periods? Hello? We all learned how to do this less...
The man had a dick on him that wouldn’t quit.
Out of me unworthy and unknown The vibrations of deathless music. —ANNE RUTLEDGE, BY EDGAR LEE MASTERS (1869-1950)
I’m so dull, the fucking cat runs away about three times a month just to get a little excitement. And
I'm not playing vamp politics.
I swore we'd never be together, but—''Your inner whore would not be denied.' she finished.
I suppose I should say something negative about vampires living in sin, Father Markus said, but that seems to be the least of your problems.
How's your grandpa?Still worried that your blackness will infect me.That's the plan. First you, then all the other blondes, and then on to brunettes and redheads. Once we have the womenfolk, all the b...
Fredrika Bimm, what do you think you're doing?Freaking out. Losing my mind. Thinking about snapping your husband's spine. Squashing the urge to vomit. Wishing I had died at childbirth.Oh, you say that...
Back off, boys. You don't want to mess with an out-of-work secretary. We're real testy.
And nothing against the Dicks and Richards of the world, but I always disliked that one. Call me immature if you like—I’ve earned it many times over—but come on: The word. Is slang. For penis. If he w...