You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena.
No one is better at not beating America than England.
Often, no sooner would the mind begin to scale the heights of Mt. Knowledge than it would receive a frantic call from body base camp, demanding it return to oversee Operation Masturbate.
If we amplify everything, we hear nothing.
Being a superpower is like being a Santa Claus that everyone hates.
The more you delve into science, the more it appears to rely on faith.
I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.
Why did the Articles [of Confederation] fail so completely? Most historians believe the founding fathers spent a great deal of their first constitutional convention drafting the delaration of independ...
[Hearing] was distinct from listening, which could only be achieved when hearing was combined with giving a shit.
You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work, and be proud that I tried everything. Yes, I want to...
You wonder sometimes how our government puts on its pants in the morning.
Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain
McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done.
You know what they say: If at first you don't succeed, f**k it.
If the events of September 11, 2001, have proven anything, it's that the terrorists can attack us, but they can't take away what makes us American -- our freedom, our liberty, our civil rights. No, on...
I can be in 20 movies. But I'll never be an actor.
Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.
The seven marvels that best represent man's achievements over the last 2,000 years will be determined by Internet vote... so look for Howard Stern's Private Parts to come in No. 1.
The bias of the mainstream media is toward sensationalism, conflict, and laziness.
The Westboro Baptist Church is no more a church than Church's Fried Chicken is a church.