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Herb Gardner Quote

Once you get people laughing they're listening and you can tell them almost anything.

Herb Gardner

Once you get people laughing they're listening and you can tell them almost anything.

Tags: openers, introductions, speakers, speeches

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I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation.

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I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation.

Tags: openers, introductions, myself, conversation, spice

Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands? All the rest of you if you'll just rattle your jewelry.

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Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands? All the rest of you if you'll just rattle your jewelry.

Tags: openers, introductions

Goldie Hawn is funny sexy beautiful talented intelligent warm and consistently sunny. Other than that she doesn't impress me at all.

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Goldie Hawn is funny sexy beautiful talented intelligent warm and consistently sunny. Other than that she doesn't impress me at all.

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At the end of a long introduction: You omitted perhaps one thing - that in 1974 I had a hemorrhoidectomy.

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At the end of a long introduction: You omitted perhaps one thing - that in 1974 I had a hemorrhoidectomy.

Tags: openers, introductions

The number-one fear in life is public speaking and the number-two fear is death. This means that if you go to a funeral you're better off in the casket than giving the eulogy.

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The number-one fear in life is public speaking and the number-two fear is death. This means that if you go to a funeral you're better off in the casket than giving the eulogy.

Tags: openers, introductions

It has been discovered experimentally that you can draw laughter from an audience anywhere in the world of any class or race simply by walking on a stage and uttering the words "I am a married man."

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It has been discovered experimentally that you can draw laughter from an audience anywhere in the world of any class or race simply by walking on a stage and uttering the words "I am a married man."

Tags: openers, introductions

Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I'm pleased to be with you. (Pause) That concludes my prepared remarks.

Anonymous

Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I'm pleased to be with you. (Pause) That concludes my prepared remarks.

Tags: openers, introductions

This gathering is what I call "intimate " which really means "Where is everybody?"

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This gathering is what I call "intimate " which really means "Where is everybody?"

Tags: openers, introductions

The first Rotarian was the first man to call John the Baptist Jack.

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The first Rotarian was the first man to call John the Baptist Jack.

Tags: openers, introductions

A toastmaster is a man who eats a meal he doesn't want so he can get up and tell a lot of stories he doesn't remember to people who've already heard them.

George Jessel

A toastmaster is a man who eats a meal he doesn't want so he can get up and tell a lot of stories he doesn't remember to people who've already heard them.

Tags: openers, introductions
About Herb Gardner

Herbert George Gardner (December 28, 1934 – September 24, 2003) was an American commercial artist, cartoonist, playwright and screenwriter.