There’s no magic formula—not for ourselves, and not for the people around us. We won’t make ourselves more creative and productive by copying other people’s habits, even the habits of geniuses; we mus...
These small, everyday actions had their own value; the pressure of my daily habits would mold my future. These habits were little things on their own, but their combined weight was massive. I thought...
They’re perceived to be more friendly, warmer, and even more physically attractive. A study showed that students who were happy as college freshmen were earning more money in their midthirties—without...
This freedom from decision making is crucial, because when I have to decide—which often involves resisting temptation or postponing gratification—I tax my self-control.
This self-knowledge is crucial because we can build a happy life only on the foundation of our own nature, our own interests, and our own values.
You have to do that kind of work for yourself. If you do it for other people, you end up wanting them to acknowledge it and to be grateful and to give you credit. If you do it for yourself, you don't...
When dealing with a child who refuses to meet an expectation, it’s important to try to understand the reason for that child’s behavior. While a Rebel child might think, You can’t make me, a Questioner...
To a truly remarkable extent, we’re more likely to do something if it’s convenient, and less likely if it’s not. For this reason, we should pay close attention to the convenience of any activity we wa...
To achieve greater clarity in my actions, I often invoke a bright-line rule, a useful concept from law. A bright-line rule is a clearly defined rule or standard that eliminates any need for interpreta...
To do the intellectually demanding work of writing, I leave my home office and my three beloved computer monitors to work at the wonderful old library that’s just a block from my apartment. The atmosp...
Tomorrow Loophole: As part of my investigation of First Steps, I’d identified tomorrow logic. Now doesn’t matter, because we’re going to follow good habits tomorrow.
Two kinds of clarity support habit formation: clarity of values and clarity of action. The clearer I am about what I value, and what action I expect from myself—not what other people value, or expect...
UPHOLDER/Obligers must be sure to articulate inner expectations and to create boundaries to protect inner expectations from outer interference.
Unlike a reward, which must be earned or justified, a treat is a small pleasure or indulgence that we give to ourselves just because we want it.
Upholders may struggle in situations where expectations aren't clear or the rules aren't established. They may feel compelled to meet expectations, even ones that seem pointless. They may feel uneasy...
Upholders respond readily to both outer expectations and inner expectations. Questioners question all expectations, and will meet an expectation only if they believe it’s justified. Obligers respond r...
Upholders-tipped-to-Obligers have a commitment to both inner and outer expectations, for them, the pull of outer expectations is very hard to ignore; UPHOLDER/Obligers must be sure to articulate inner...
W. H. Auden articulated this tension beautifully: Between the ages of twenty and forty we are engaged in the process of discovering who we are, which involves learning the difference between accidenta...
Waldenlust. This longing takes several forms: fantasies of the freedom that dispossession would bring; nostalgia for earlier, supposedly simpler times; and reverence for the primitive, which is assume...
Walking had an added benefit: it helped me to think. Nietzsche wrote, All truly great thoughts are conceived while walking, and his observation is backed up by science; exercise-induced brain chemical...
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