Librarians, Dusty, possess a vast store of politeness. These are people who get asked regularly the dumbest questions on God's green earth. These people tolerate every kind of crank and eccentric and...
Free enterprise runs on self interest. This is socialism and it runs on loyalty . . . if people were going to live by comparison shopping, the town would go bust . . . If you live there you have to ta...
Just because we're fictional characters doesn't mean you can pick us up and move us anywhere you want.--the people of Lake Woebegon
Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.
I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
And then I stand in front of God's Throne squinting up at His blazing glory and He says, 'You had your opportunities, boy. But did you listen? No. You went on heedlesly reading that garbagey magazine...
I used to think that kid might become a preacher. Now I don't see how he's going to stay out of prison. Nobody in this family ever went to prison for sex crimes. He'd be the first."Yes," says Jesus, "...
A young writer is easily tempted by the allusive and ethereal and ironic and reflective, but the declarative is at the bottom of most good writing.
When in doubt, look intelligent.
They did not weave their lives around yours. They had their own lives, which were mysterious to you.
If you can't read a simple goddam sign and follow one simple goddam instruction then get your fat butt the hell out of here.
He takes a kitchen chair and sits in the yard and all the ducks come around. He holds up the cheese curls in one hand and caramel popcorn in the other and his audience looks up and he tells them a jok...
The top 1% holds nearly half of the financial wealth, the greatest concentration of wealth of any industrialized nation, more concentrated than at any time since the Depression. In 1980, on average, C...
The rich can afford to be progressive. Poor people have reason to be afraid of the future.
I longed for the pitter-patter of little feet, so I got a dog. It’s cheaper, and you get more feet.
How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb? How many therapists do you think it takes to change a lightbulb?
Did you know that half of all people are below average?
By God, no matter what Republicans say, the people of this country really do care about each other. We are not a cold people. By God, when John F. Kennedy said, Ask what you can do for your country, h...
I can see how I could write a bold account of myself as a passionate man who rose from humble beginnings to cut a wide swath in the world, whose crimes along the way might be written off to extravagan...