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Dylan Moran Quotes

And I'm not saying it's a bad song, you know, or anything like that. All I'm saying is that if you get, I don't know, a broom, say, and dip it in some brake fluid, put the other end up my arse, stick...

Dylan Moran

And I'm not saying it's a bad song, you know, or anything like that. All I'm saying is that if you get, I don't know, a broom, say, and dip it in some brake fluid, put the other end up my arse, stick...

Tags: broom, dylan, funk soul brother, humor, humour, moran, song

People will kill you. Over time. They will shave out every last morsel of fun in you with little, harmless sounding phrases that people uses every day, like: 'Be realis

Dylan Moran

People will kill you. Over time. They will shave out every last morsel of fun in you with little, harmless sounding phrases that people uses every day, like: 'Be realis

Tags: ambition, dylan moran, goals, life, realism

About Author
Dylan William Moran ( MOR-ən; born 1971) is an Irish comedian, writer, actor and artist. He is best known for his observational comedy, the comedy series Black Books (which he co-wrote and starred in), and his work with Simon Pegg in films such as Shaun of the Dead and Run Fatboy Run. He was also one of two lead characters in the Irish black comedy film A Film with Me in It.
He is a regular performer at national and international comedy festivals such as the Edinburgh Festival Fringe, Just for Laughs Montreal Comedy Festival, the Melbourne International Comedy Festival, and the Kilkenny Comedy Festival. In 2007, he was voted the 17th greatest stand-up comedian by Channel 4; in the updated 2010 list, he was ranked as the 14th greatest.

Children are the most honest critics. They will say 'You're funny', but also 'You're pathetic - go away.'

Dylan Moran

Children are the most honest critics. They will say 'You're funny', but also 'You're pathetic - go away.'

Tags: children, honest, you

He looks like a horse in a man costume!

Dylan Moran

He looks like a horse in a man costume!

Tags: black books, british, british comedy, dylan moran, funny, horse, man

I don't know that you're able to measure your aggregate wisdom as you go through life. I can't say that I ever feel that I'm sitting on top of a growing mound of wisdom.

Dylan Moran

I don't know that you're able to measure your aggregate wisdom as you go through life. I can't say that I ever feel that I'm sitting on top of a growing mound of wisdom.

Tags: life, measure, know

I don't want to do panel games or adverts. I really like challenges. I always get roles as an art teacher or a photographer. In the future I want to play something like a mugger/assassin/pastry chef.

Dylan Moran

I don't want to do panel games or adverts. I really like challenges. I always get roles as an art teacher or a photographer. In the future I want to play something like a mugger/assassin/pastry chef.

Tags: art, future, challenges

The most dangerous drink is gin. You have to be really, really careful with that. And you also have to be 45, female and sitting on the stairs. Because gin isn't really a drink, it's more a mascara th...

Dylan Moran

The most dangerous drink is gin. You have to be really, really careful with that. And you also have to be 45, female and sitting on the stairs. Because gin isn't really a drink, it's more a mascara th...

Tags: alcohol, gin

People will kill you. Over time. They will shave out every last morsel of fun in you with little, harmless sounding phrases that people uses every day, like: 'Be realistic!'" (2009)]

Dylan Moran

People will kill you. Over time. They will shave out every last morsel of fun in you with little, harmless sounding phrases that people uses every day, like: 'Be realistic!'" (2009)]

Tags: ambition, dylan moran, goals, life, realism

I think that women just have a primeval instinct to make soup, which they will try to foist on anybody who looks like a likely candidate.

Dylan Moran

I think that women just have a primeval instinct to make soup, which they will try to foist on anybody who looks like a likely candidate.

Tags: women, soup, think, try

The terror of failure can make you feel like a failure. So a bunch of people think you're not very good at your thing. How much do you invest in what they say? How much do you care? Failure is not put...

Dylan Moran

The terror of failure can make you feel like a failure. So a bunch of people think you're not very good at your thing. How much do you invest in what they say? How much do you care? Failure is not put...

Tags: good, yourself, people

I'm just a guy who happens to work in public from time to time. I've built a reputation as an established comic, not as a celebrity - a celebrity is someone who is famous but doesn't do anything.

Dylan Moran

I'm just a guy who happens to work in public from time to time. I've built a reputation as an established comic, not as a celebrity - a celebrity is someone who is famous but doesn't do anything.

Tags: work, time, reputation

I fear we might be losing the basic human facility to be alone - and with that you throw out independent decision-making, what to trust, what not to trust; key stuff - a perilous loss.

Dylan Moran

I fear we might be losing the basic human facility to be alone - and with that you throw out independent decision-making, what to trust, what not to trust; key stuff - a perilous loss.

Tags: trust, alone, losing

I'm actually about as famous as a fourth division footballer from the 70s.

Dylan Moran

I'm actually about as famous as a fourth division footballer from the 70s.

Tags: famous, footballer, division, fourth

Don't do it! Stay away from your potential. You'll mess it up, it's potential, leave it. Anyway, it's like your bank balance - you always have a lot less than you think.

Dylan Moran

Don't do it! Stay away from your potential. You'll mess it up, it's potential, leave it. Anyway, it's like your bank balance - you always have a lot less than you think.

Tags: comedy, humour, monster, standup

A man does not know how he came by the half a pie he is holding in his hand!

Dylan Moran

A man does not know how he came by the half a pie he is holding in his hand!

Tags: memory, men

I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just stand up when I'm not expecting it.

Dylan Moran

I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just stand up when I'm not expecting it.

Tags: drugs, funny

The truth is that I'm constitutionally incapable of doing an ordinary job.

Dylan Moran

The truth is that I'm constitutionally incapable of doing an ordinary job.

Tags: truth

I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me.

Dylan Moran

I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me.

Tags: funny, me, recognition, fine