When someone makes a spectacular ass of himself, it's always in a French restaurant, never a Japanese or Italian one. The French are the people who slap one another with gloves and wear scarves to cov...
The way I saw it, if my students were willing to pretend I was a teacher, the least I could do was return the favor and pretend that they were writers.
The Romanians really do lead the world when it comes to cursing.
Sometimes the sins you haven't committed are all you have left to hold onto.
Randall, the gay alcoholic in the house next door, boldly peeps through my windows. 'Boy, you sure rock in that chair a lot,' he said last week, his face pressed against my screen. This time I was ly...
Oh, for Christ's sake,' I hear. 'Can we please just try to have a good time?' This is like ordering someone to find you attractive, and it doesn't work. I've tried it.
Nobody likes having a problem, but having a convoluted, bureaucratic one is even more galling.
Like many good biography subjects, she became a mess toward the end of her life.
It’s common to be misread by people who don’t know you.
After a year, you realize it takes time to rail against injustice, time you might better spend questioning fondue or describing those ferrets you couldn't afford. Unless, of course, social injustice i...
There's a reason regular people don't appear on TV: we're boring.
If you’re not cute, you might as well be clever.
If you think too hard about anything it’s bound to take the fun out of it.
What I really hated, of course, was my mind. There must have been an off switch somewhere, but I was damned if I could find it.
We give anonymously because the sackfuls of thank-you letters break our hearts with their clumsy handwriting and hopeless phonetic spelling.
Rather than admit defeat, I decided to change goals.
May I bring you a drink to go with those warm nuts, Mr. Sedaris? this woman looking after me asked - this as the people in coach were still boarding. The looks they gave me as they passed were the loo...
Live with liberty, and your imagination can soar.
La momentul respectiv, Bob sapa morminte, o cariera care denota o lipsa imbucuratoare de ambitie.
I’m sure my father said plenty of normal things to me when I was growing up, but what stuck, probably because he said it, like, ten thousand times, was Everything you touch turns to crap. His other ca...