Say what you will about the south, but in North Carolina a hot dog is free to swing anyway it wishes.
Nobody likes having a problem, but having a convoluted, bureaucratic one is even more galling.
Like many good biography subjects, she became a mess toward the end of her life.
La momentul respectiv, Bob sapa morminte, o cariera care denota o lipsa imbucuratoare de ambitie.
I’d asked the same question a few years earlier in Amsterdam and learned that in the Netherlands you’re more apt to bring a disease into it. Like if someone drives in a crazy way, it’s normal to call...
It's as though we had asked to have ice cubes in our wine, like, Ick, who are you?
If you don’t think a mental patient has the right to bring a sawed-off shotgun to the church where his ex-girlfriend is getting married, you’re part of the problem.
I'm dating myself, but this was before Jesus Christ. We worshiped a God named Sashatiba, who had five eyes, including one on the Adam's apple.
I wonder whose job it was to assign these sexes in the first place. Did he do his work right there in the sanitarium, or did they rent him a little office where he could get away from all the noise?
I hoped our lives would continue this way forever, but inevitably the past came knocking. Not the good kind that was collectible but the bad kind that had arthritis.
I don’t know why it was, exactly, but nothing irritated my father quite like the sound of his children’s happiness. Group crying, he could stand, but group laughing was asking for it, especially at th...
High school taught me a valuable lesson about glasses: Don't wear them. Contacts have always seemed like too much work, so instead I just squint, figuring that if something is more than ten feet away,...
A week after my drugs ran out, I left my bed to perform at the college, deciding at the last minute to skip both the doughnut toss and the march of the headless plush toys. Instead, I just heated up a...
آدمها به آن اندازهای که مهربان هستند احمق نیستند!
If you think too hard about anything it’s bound to take the fun out of it.
Yesterday a woman had her son pee into a cup, which of course tipped over. That’s fine, I said, but Santa’s also going to need a stool sample.
The younger an ingredient, the more highly it was valued, thus the baby chicken, the baby spinach, the newborn asparagus, each pale stalk as slender as a fang.
The next summer we went to France for six weeks, and I added another 420 words, most of them found in the popular gossip magazine, ‘Voici’. Man-eater, I’d say. Gold digger, roustabout, louse.Who are y...
The houses looked like something a child might draw, a row of shaky squares with triangles on top. Add a door, add two windows. Think of putting a tree in the front yard, and then decide against it be...
Sometimes the sins you haven't committed are all you have left to hold onto.