I just looked at the pattern of my life, decided I didn't like it, and changed.
I don’t know why it was, exactly, but nothing irritated my father quite like the sound of his children’s happiness. Group crying, he could stand, but group laughing was asking for it, especially at th...
Greeks are just Jews without money.
A week after my drugs ran out, I left my bed to perform at the college, deciding at the last minute to skip both the doughnut toss and the march of the headless plush toys. Instead, I just heated up a...
All I do is lie, and that has made me immune to compliments.
I tend to show everything I do to my family, to check they won't be offended.
Well, think about it, he said. Exposing yourself to a girl is one thing. Doing it to a boy, though—the guy would have to be perverted.
We sweat for our pretensions. It
This is a busy week with me and lunatics, whom I tend to see as either signs or messengers.
They're hungry for something they know nothing about, but we, we know all too well that the price of fame is the loss of privacy.
The woman in charge of costuming assigned us our outfits and gave us a lecture on keeping things clean. She held up a calendar and said, Ladies, you know what this is. Use it. I have scraped enough bl...
The iPhone 2 led to the 3, but I didn’t get the 4 or 5 because I’m holding out for the 7, which, I’ve heard on good authority, can also be used as a Taser. This will mean I’ll have just one less thing...
The houses looked like something a child might draw, a row of shaky squares with triangles on top. Add a door, add two windows. Think of putting a tree in the front yard, and then decide against it be...
Mr. Mancini had a singular talent for making me uncomfortable. He forced me to consider things I’d rather not think about – the sex of my guitar, for instance. If I honestly wanted to put my hands on...
Making it worse, I had to sit through another endless preview for Titanic. Who do they think is going to see that movie?
It hardly seems fair we'd get the universe all to ourselves...
In fact, there are only two kinds of flights: ones in which you die and ones in which you do not.
In Japanese and Italian, the response to [How are you?] is I'm fine, and you? In German it's answered with a sigh and a slight pause, followed by Not so good.
If I'd been burned alive because of bad grades, my parents would have killed me, especially my father, who meant well but was just a little too gung ho for my taste.
I wanted it, I wanted it, I wanted it, but the moment it was mine, it ceased to interest me.