Speed eliminates all doubt. Am I smart enough? Will people like me? Do I really look all right in this plastic jumpsuit?
Randall, the gay alcoholic in the house next door, boldly peeps through my windows. 'Boy, you sure rock in that chair a lot,' he said last week, his face pressed against my screen. This time I was ly...
It's safe to assume that by 2085 guns will be sold in vending machines but you won't be able to smoke anywhere in America.
When visitors leave, I feel like an actor watching the audience file out of the theater, and it was no different with my sisters. The show over, Hugh and I returned to lesser versions of ourselves. We...
As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts.
Movie characters might chase each other through the fog or race down the stairs of burning buildings, but that’s for beginners. Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the...
Her, though! Once when I was in high school she caught me doing something or other, imitating my Spanish teacher, perhaps with a pair of tights on my head, and said, like someone at the end of her rop...
Like all of my friends, she's a lousy judge of character.
In New York I'd go to the movies three or four times a week. Here I've upped it to six or seven, mainly because I'm too lazy to do anything else. Fortunately, going to the movies seems to suddenly qua...
Today the teacher called me a sadist. I tried to say that was like the pot calling the kettle black but came out with something closer to That is like a pan saying to a dark pan, ‘You are a pan.
In the end I decided the word was more about him than it was about me. But isn’t it often that way? It’s one thing for someone to describe you in print, to go through several drafts and, after careful...
Three days after that, the funeral was held, and while riding from the church to the cemetery Ava looked out the widow and noticed that everyone she passed was crying. Old people, college students, ev...
I’d asked the same question a few years earlier in Amsterdam and learned that in the Netherlands you’re more apt to bring a disease into it. Like if someone drives in a crazy way, it’s normal to call...
What ultimately did me in was the self-adhesive condom. Putting it on was no problem, but its removal qualified as what, in certain cultures, is known as a bris. Wear it once, and you’ll need a solid...
I attributed their behavior to the fact that they didn't have a TV, but television didn't teach you everything. Asking for candy on Halloween was called trick-or-treating, but asking for candy on Nove...
Her expression changed then, becoming fearful rather than merely pained. It was the look you get when facing a sudden and insurmountable danger: the errant truck, the shakey ladder, the crazy person w...
But things change once you've been together for 10 years. They rarely make movies about long-term couples and for good reason. Our lives are boring.
What I really hated, of course, was my mind. There must have been an off switch somewhere, but I was damned if I could find it.
Then I must have dropped off. It wasn’t much later that I awoke—the story of my life since my mate passed away. I get tired, wiped out, even, but can’t seem to sleep more than a few hours at a stretch...
Every day we're told that we live in the greatest country on earth. And it's always stated as an undeniable fact: Leos are born between July 23 and August 22, fitted queen-size sheets measure sixty by...
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