I’d come across a strap-on penis. It seemed pretty old and was Band-Aid colored, about three inches long and not much bigger around than a Vienna sausage, which was interesting to me. You’d think that...
It’s so hard to predict which friends will last and which will fade away. Quite often I’d move and lose half the contacts in my address book, people I thought would be with me forever. It’s not that w...
It was, I thought, what evil must smell like.
It was generally agreed that a coffin-size studio on Avenue D was preferable to living in one of the boroughs. Moving from one Brooklyn or Staten Island neighborhood to another was fine, but unless yo...
In the last month of the presidential campaign, I tuned in to conservative talk radio and listened as callers considered the unthinkable. One after another, they all threatened the same thing: If McCa...
In his work shirt and underpants, he looked powerful but also cartoonish, like a bear dressed up for a job interview.
In 2004, I offered priority (book)-signing to smokers, the reason being that, because they didn't have as long to live, their time was more valuable. Four years later my special treatment was reserved...
If nothing else, life in the suburbs promised that you might go from day to day without finding shit in your hair.
If a person who constantly reads is labeled a bookworm, then I was quickly becoming what might be called a tapeworm.
I'd always thought that I understood this, but lately I realize that what I call understanding is basically just fantasizing.
I told myself that if I looked at my brother differently, it was because of the suit, nto the weight. He was a grown man now. He was going to get married, and therefore, he was a changed person.He too...
I think about death all the time, but only in a romantic, self-serving way, beginning, most often, with my tragic illness and ending with my funeral. I see my brother squatting beside my grave, so rac...
I like the kind of man John is. He watches things closely and then does nothing with the information.
I found the ad in a community booster paper. Sharp, experienced go-getter wanted to strip/refinish woodwork. Enthusiasm a must. I had spent years refinishing, first in Raleigh and then again in Chicag...
I didn't know about the rest of the class, but when Bastille Day eventually rolled around, I planned to stay home and clean my oven.
I can manage in a restaurant, take a cab, and even make small talk with the driver. Do you have children? I ask. Will you take a vacation this year? Where to? When he turns it around, as Japanese cabd...
I attribute my wife's language to the fact that she's one-quarter spaniel. She says she's only an eighth, but, come on, the ears say it all. That and her mouth. (The Faithful Setter)
I am optimistic that things will fall into place, and one day I’ll be sitting in New York City with correct bus fare in my pocket.
Hugh’s old drawing teacher used to have one, and though it had been ten years since he’d taken the woman’s class, I could suddenly recall him talking about it. If I had a skeleton like Minerva’s . . ....
Here I’ve given him a good eight inches and a shot at immortality and he’ll turn on me the same way he did last year when I asked him to pose for a few nude sketches. Ingrate