In his work shirt and underpants, he looked powerful but also cartoonish, like a bear dressed up for a job interview.
In 2004, I offered priority (book)-signing to smokers, the reason being that, because they didn't have as long to live, their time was more valuable. Four years later my special treatment was reserved...
If you see devils, they lock you up, but in America, if you see angels, they put you on morning TV.
If nothing else, life in the suburbs promised that you might go from day to day without finding shit in your hair.
If a person who constantly reads is labeled a bookworm, then I was quickly becoming what might be called a tapeworm.
I'd always thought that I understood this, but lately I realize that what I call understanding is basically just fantasizing.
I see his presidential bid as just another commercial for himself. It wouldn’t surprise me if he were to name the Hamburglar as his running mate.
I noticed my mother’s face assume an expression she reserved for unspeakable horror. I had seen this look only twice before: once when she was caught in the path of a charging, rabid pig and then agai...
I like the kind of man John is. He watches things closely and then does nothing with the information.
I had paid for my folly and, as a reward, was invited to take part in the nest builder’s performance piece. The script was great.‘When I bleat here, do you want me to just bleat or to really let go an...
I felt betrayed, the way you do when you discover that your cat has a secret secondary life and is being fed by neighbors who call him something stupid like Calypso. Worse is that he loves them as muc...
I didn't know about the rest of the class, but when Bastille Day eventually rolled around, I planned to stay home and clean my oven.
I cried for it all and wondered why so few songs were written about cats.
I can’t remember the last time I’ve enjoyed silence in an American theater. It’s easy to believe that our audiences spend the day saying nothing, actually saving their voices for the moment the pictur...
I am optimistic that things will fall into place, and one day I’ll be sitting in New York City with correct bus fare in my pocket.
He took a sip of my father’s weak coffee and spit it back into the mug. This shit’s like making love in a canoe.Excuse me?It’s fucking near water.
He also made a 1-2-3-4 cake, which calls for one cup of butter, two cups of sugar, three cups of flour, and four eggs. I ate half of it, which amounts to one entire stick of butter.
Happiness is harder to put into words. It's also harder to source, much more mysterious than anger or sorrow, which come to me promptly, whenever I summon them, and remain long after I've begged them...
Following a brief period of hard-won independence she came to appreciate the fact that people aren’t foolish as much as they are kind.
Finally he was hit by a train while walking, which is strange because trains don’t generally sneak up on people. For the most part, barring a derailment, you know exactly where to find them.