The Times came last night; tonight it was Newsday and the Voice. I want to tell them we were just joking. It’s not a real play, it’s what comes from doodling while you’re holding a bong.
I look at these people and can't quite believe that they exist. Are they professional actors? I wonder. Or are they simply laymen who want a lot of attention? To put them in perspective, I think of be...
Though harsh in other respects, prison would be an excellent place to learn a foreign language - total immersion, and you'd have the new slang before it even hit the streets.
After a year, you realize it takes time to rail against injustice, time you might better spend questioning fondue or describing those ferrets you couldn't afford. Unless, of course, social injustice i...
The italian nanny was attempting to answer the teachers latest question when the moroccan student interupted, shouting Excuse me, What is an easter?it would seem that depsite having grown up in a musl...
Now it seems cruel, abusive even, but this all happened before the invention of self-esteem, which, frankly, I think is a little overrated.
Neither of them had ever picked up a pen in their life, but all of a sudden they’re poets, right, like that’s all it takes—being in love.
If you aren't cute, you may as well be clever.
They're hungry for something they know nothing about, but we, we know all too well that the price of fame is the loss of privacy.
Some people, I thought, opening the wet wipes so I could wash the tumor off my hands before I touched my wallet.
We would pass the afternoon at Ya Ya’s table, eating stringy boiled meat served with spinach pie. The food tasted as though it had been cooked weeks beforehand and left to age in a musty trunk. Her me...
That said, I admire people who are curious and open their minds to new possibilities, especially after a certain age. You have to draw the line somewhere, though, and with me it’s my anus.
It was a father, one hand resting teapot-style on his hip, and the other - what would be the spout - formed into a fist.
Man ordering at Butera’s deli/prepared-foods counter: Hey, give me one of them chickens what spins around.
One of the people I voted for this morning was named Lee Botts. Her campaign slogan is HER BOTTOM LINE IS CLEAN WATER. Someone tampered with the sign she had in front of the school, and now it reads L...
Half the people I know have dead animals in their freezers: reptiles, birds, mammals. Is that normal?
Pandas and rain forests are never mentioned when it comes to the millions of people taking joyrides in their Range Rovers. Rather, it's the little things we're strong-armed into conserving. At a chain...
One burner represents your family, one is your friends, the third is your health, and the fourth is your work.
When I bleat here on page seventeen, do you want me to just bleat or to really let go and ‘bleat, bleat’? I asked. I feel like ‘bleat, bleating,’ but if Mother/Destroyer is going to be crawling throu...
The bow tie is like the pierced eyebrow of the Republican party.
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