Racial humor was about 35% of my act when I first started. But I realized that it was a crutch. What brought it home was when another comedian said to me, 'If you changed color tomorrow, you wouldn't...
A sail boat that sails backwards can never see the sun rise.
The heart of marriage is memories and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods.
And of course, when you see your brother in the toilet bowl...there's a little voice that say, 'I wonder where he would go...'...if it hadn't been for his head...
I've noticed the customers in health food stores. They are pale skinny people who usually look half dead. In a steak house you see robust ruddy people. They're dying of course but they look terri...
With my wife Camille's help, I took to social networking. I'm working with the computers.
That's why ears have cartilage, to keep them from flapping.
Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet.
In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.
My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own fatherhood, but it didn't because parenting can only be learned by people who have no children.
Poets have said that the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality. Immortality? Now that I have five children, my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die.
I never saw anything funny in a car commercial - but that's OK. Whatever they wanted to do - it's their product and I'm the spokesperson, and I'm going to deliver.
Old is always fifteen years from now.
A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
Tons of comedians have said, 'I grew up learning from Bill Cosby. He's great.' But that respect doesn't mean much to the young people. They like their ginger ale with hot sauce.
And so the dentist says 'Rinse.' So you lean over, and you're lookin' at this miniature toilet bowl.
The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet.
We're not raising children with the love that we need to.
A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advice.
A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he's in there, as if he needed company. The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom p...