Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away.
I read a lot of scripts that I just don't find very funny.
(superl.) Droll; comical; amusing; laughable.
(n.) A clinkerbuit, narrow boat for sculling.
That's what I hate about a lot of comedies, when you're hitting a line or making it funny.
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
Would you like to borrow a pair of my panties to wave around at the next Council meeting to get the point across?His eyes flashed. Got any to spare? I could’ve picked somebody rational. But no, I had...
We're clear, she said. You're kind of a psycho. I get that
My parents didn't raise me to be religious. The closest we come to worship is the Trinity of Visa, Mastercard, and American Express. I think the Merryweather cheerleaders confuse me because I missed o...
Dwarfs were not a naturally religious species, but in a world where pit props could crack without warning and pockets of fire damp could suddenly explode they'd seen the need for gods as the sort of s...
Artemis hooked the speaker over one ear, adjusting the mike stem so it wound across hismouth.'Foaly? Are you listening?''Are you kidding?' came the reply. 'This is better than human soap operas.
Anyway... she knows a guy who knows a guy who knows a horse who knows a goat who knows another horse
A snap of Rhys’s fingers, and my nightclothes—and some flimsy underthings—appeared on the bed. I couldn’t decide which scrap of lace I wanted you to wear, so I brought you a few to choose from. Pig, I...
Mariah is a beautiful and talented person, and I've had a crush on her for as long as I can remember. Every day, my respect for Mariah continues to grow higher. She's a caring, warm and funny person....
Are You Driving With Your Eyes Open? Or Are You like Using The Force?
You arrogant little snot (John Hammond)
All right, I'll wait another two thousand years to make jokes about my evilness.
I need the ting but not ting ting ting
Sometimes when jerks become Christians, it's like a bully learning karate. Instead of having Christ transform our hearts and attitudes, we now have a new method with which to beat you up....what was o...
Wintertime is the best time of the year to get really fat.
Olgun! Wake up!"Her mind was filled with a sense of self-righteous andvaguely drowsy protest."Sure you weren't, she needled at him. You were justpracticing snoring, so you'd be sure to get it right la...
We'll never find that one, and I'll be blamed," announced Edd Tollett, the dour grey-haired squire everyone called Dolorous Edd. "Nothing ever goes missing that they don't look at me, ever since that...