I want to change my life...except I sort of like it. I mean, I couldn't be more delighted every Monday night after Fletch goes to bed when I come downstairs, pull up the Bachelor on TiVo, drink Riesli...
I cannot go to school todaySaid little Peggy Ann McKay.I have the measles and the mumps,A gash, a rash and purple bumps.My mouth is wet, my throat is dry.I'm going blind in my right eye.My tonsils are...
(superl.) Droll; comical; amusing; laughable.
(n.) A clinkerbuit, narrow boat for sculling.
I broke up with this girl, and they put me with a psychiatrist who said, 'Why did you get so depressed, and do all those things you did?' I said, 'I wanted this girl and she left me.'And he said,'Well...
Divination is turning out to be much more trouble than I could have foreseen, never having studied the subject myself.
The funny thing about war is that people feel you need to be morally outraged. I feel morally outraged about it, and I've been doing it for long enough to feel morally outraged, because I have been in...
My dad was a very funny man - he's the one who taught me life would be awfully hard without humor! I'm sure his Irish wit in some way influenced my decision to become an actress.
Sure, I am funny and have a good sense of humor. Mostly, though, I just tell the truth. The internal dialogue people have in their heads - I just write it.
I am always acting, be at a party, at work or in office. My attitude changes from meeting to meeting, from being serious to intense to funny, depending on who is in the room.
Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one . . . and got hit by a bus.
The na at the end of banana annoys me as much as it would you if it were bananana.
I think he was especially happy because I used to kiss this boy in the neighborhood a lot when I wasvery little, and even though the psychiatrist said it was very natural for little boys and girls to...
Wisdom of the Ages: "Tooth Fairy" Growing up in the Northwest was tough. For years I thought the Tooth Fairy was a big boat with cars and sharp teeth.
Life isn't over until you're dead. Another ultra-positive, ultra-motivational tweet to improve your day. You're welcome.
It just doesn't seem right to spend your entire life drinking, when you could be exploring the world.""Or," Zhy said as he hefted a mug to his lips, "it doesn't seem right to be risking your life runn...
Coincidentally, a good age for a Japanese girl is younger than twenty five, because that's when she turns into a 'Christmas Cake'. Christmas cakes, as everyone knows, are desirable before the twenty f...
Really, it's amazing. You are his other half, Alexandria, You are fated to be with him. You belong to
I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier theywouldn't have to go so fast.
Don't you just hate that, you meet a girl she seems pretty nice, you tell all your friends and before you know it she turns out to be a vampire, don't you just hate it when that happens?
If a word in the dictionary were mispelled, how would we know?
When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year.I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.