She told me I should be proud of my healthy shape and healthy body and love it and treasure it because it was mine. No one, she said, could tell me what to think of my body. If I let another person’s...
So I buried myself under my covers and cried like it was my job and I was hoping for a promotion.
Sometimes, things are sad and unfortunate. But finding the funny in a situation can make the sad and unfortunate more bearable.
Sorry, sometimes when I try to rhyme I end up sounding like Yoda.
Stop it. Cletus snapped his fingers in front of our faces. I hate it when you two mind-meld through your eyeballs.
Take romance for instance. Fictional women in romance novels never get their period. They never have morning breath. They orgasm seventeen times a day. And they never seem to have jobs with bosses.
That is why I don't want a cell phone. I don't want a droopy fin.
That’s right. You seize that woman, Cletus. You make her yours. And then after, still grinning, Duane dropped his hand on my shoulder and gave me a little shake, you give that woman your sausage.
The beauty of human relationships is sharing burdens? More or less. But burdens don’t grow lighter if both people are contributing equally. Life isn’t a fifty-fifty split, that’s just being lazy. Burd...
The best stories, I feel, are those that are self-deprecating and involve some thread of irony.
The dreams were the troubling kind where I thought the action and events were genuine while asleep; upon waking and in retrospect I realized they were obviously completely implausible.The one I rememb...
The phone in my hand buzzed, demanding my attention, and a text flashed on the screen. It was from Cletus and the sight made my heart lurch and twist, a pining ache stealing my breath. As I scrolled t...
The protector inside me was frowning while the predator soaked up her discomfort with glee.
The thing is, if you can’t tell how a person feels about you, then you probably don’t want to know.
When I was younger, I wanted plenty of things, plenty of people, until I realized there was no point in wanting. Since then, I’ve never had something I wanted, not really. Not ’til you.
There is a stillness that accompanies the death of a loved one. Everything becomes quieter, but it’s not just sound that is dimmed. Movement, action, perception, emotion—everything is distant and remo...
There will be no bananas! There will be entire tropical rainforests of bananas! And coconuts! I gestured to my breasts. And, hopefully, bananas rubbing against coconuts.
There’s no reason to be uncomfortable.I’m not uncomfortable. I’m just feeling weird, and I don’t know how to un-weird myself.Well, don’t un-weird yourself on my account. I like you weird.
This was our beginning. I couldn’t wait for the middle. And I never wanted it to end.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, rants, facts, contrivances, and incidents are either the product of the author’s questionable imagination or are used factitiously. Any resem...
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