Saying someone would make a great politician is like saying someone would make a great serial killer. It’s not a compliment.
My previous outlook could be summed up as follows: Life is shit. Math makes sense. Fictional characters are superior to real people because real people are equal parts pitiful and predictable.
Maybe love, at its essence, is being a mirror for another person—for the good parts and the bad. Perhaps love is simply finding that one person who sees you clearly, cares for you deeply, challenges y...
I’d learned from my mother that when someone gives you a subjective compliment—meaning one that can’t be disproven and is based on opinion—but that you find to be completely false, rather than argue,...
Don’t set yourself on fire trying to keep others warm.
Who called it? I called it! That’s right, uh huh!
The best stories, I feel, are those that are self-deprecating and involve some thread of irony.
Parker, what are you doing? Making a funny face in an effort to make you stop staring at me like I murdered your beloved goldfish.
Out of all the things I have lost, I miss my mind the most. Mark Twain ~Jethro~
Love, I decided, is being a sidekick.
Just because you don't feel calm, doesn't mean you can't be calm.
Is this place home?No, Duane .. You are.
Is a chameleon a coward because it can change its color? No. It’s evolved and awesome. I like to think of myself in a similar fashion.
I just feel sorry for men now. It must be frustrating to be so feeble and limited.
Because you scratched my itch and then you kissed me—both of which freaked me out because neither of which are in the course syllabus for laboratory experiments this semester. And, furthermore—
A sinister giggle escaped my lips. I’m not much of a giggler unless I’ve done something sinister.
Nerds rule the world.
A woman who demands gifts on Valentine's Day is almost as intolerable as a man who only gives gifts because it's Valentine's Day.
Your birthday gift to me is to place me in the middle of an art heist so that I can taser someone? He nodded, smiling, looking very proud. Thank you, Alex. I mean it. I...I just love you so much.
You should have me there as your representative to make sure he doesn’t try to zap you with his sexy ray.Zap me with his sexy ray?You know what I’m talking about. I barely saw him and I’m feeling the...