“ I had a romance novel inside me, but I paid three sailors to beat it out of me with steel pipes. Patton Oswalt
“ Does anyone act more like an overserious senior citizen with time running out on their chance for immortality than someone in their twenties? Patton Oswalt
“ I've gotten very cynical and kind of anhedonic about all the things I have to do to get to do comedy: all the travel, hotels, and airports. Patton Oswalt
“ So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think, 'The good outnumber you, and we always will.' Patton Oswalt
“ Lot of ugly funny dudes end up with some pretty gorgeous women. Women are much deeper than us in choosing a mate - they see in the long term. Patton Oswalt
“ I've had some pretty good arguments with people, but I've never regretted it. I've had people come up where it's all emotion and no fact. That's always sad. Patton Oswalt
“ Anything's better than Gen X which is what we got. Thanks Douglas Coupland. We sound like a team of mutant vigalantees with frosted hair and chain wallets. Actually that's not completely horrible. Patton Oswalt
“ If someone like this were to like me, to like my comedy, and to like the way I conduct myself professionally, it would mean that I suck as a person. Patton Oswalt
“ Hobos' (a slang term that combines the words 'hope' and 'bowl of beans given to me for free by a woman who then initiated intercourse') Patton Oswalt
“ I want to experience as many different tastes, sights, emotions, conflicts, and cultures as possible, so that I can expand the canvas of my memory and enrich my comedy. Patton Oswalt
“ People will find transformation and transcendence in a McDonald's hash brown if it's all they've got. Patton Oswalt
