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Mitch Hedberg Quote

I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.

Mitch Hedberg

I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.

Tags: life, women, sex, need

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I looked long and hard for the paper roses! I found the reddest red ribbon, and a little golden card! We were all there together, many of us, in the same place; but I was the only one who found the pa...

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I looked long and hard for the paper roses! I found the reddest red ribbon, and a little golden card! We were all there together, many of us, in the same place; but I was the only one who found the pa...

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Greatness can be contagious, but first there must be contact.

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Greatness can be contagious, but first there must be contact.

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Any foolish boy can stamp on a beetle, but all the professors in the world cannot make a beetle.

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Any foolish boy can stamp on a beetle, but all the professors in the world cannot make a beetle.

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After your death you will be what you were before your birth.

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After your death you will be what you were before your birth.

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Manners and politeness will never become old-fashioned.

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Manners and politeness will never become old-fashioned.

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You are worth more than what people say or think of you.

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You are worth more than what people say or think of you.

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The single greatest cause of happiness is gratitude.

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The single greatest cause of happiness is gratitude.

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Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.

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Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.

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How to win in life:1 work hard 2 complain less 3 listen more 4 try, learn, grow5 don't let people tell you it cant be done6 make no excuses

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How to win in life:1 work hard 2 complain less 3 listen more 4 try, learn, grow5 don't let people tell you it cant be done6 make no excuses

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Be the girl you want your daughter to be. Be the girl you want your son to date. Be classy, be smart, be real, but most importantly be nice.

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Be the girl you want your daughter to be. Be the girl you want your son to date. Be classy, be smart, be real, but most importantly be nice.

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About Mitch Hedberg

Mitchell Lee Hedberg (February 24, 1968 – March 30, 2005) was an American stand-up comedian known for his surreal humor and deadpan delivery. His comedy typically featured short, sometimes one-line jokes mixed with absurd elements and non sequiturs.
Hedberg's comedy and onstage persona gained him a cult following, with audience members sometimes shouting out the punchlines to his jokes before he could finish them.