“ If I were to construct a God I would furnish Him with some way and qualities and characteristics which the Present lacks. Mark Twain
“ When we set about accounting for a Napoleon or a Shakespeare or a Raphael or a Wagner or an Edison or other extraordinary person, we understand that the measure of his talent will not explain the whol… Mark Twain
“ If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man. Mark Twain
“ Man is the Reasoning Animal. Such is the claim. I think it is open to dispute. Indeed, my experiments have proven to me that he is the Unreasoning Animal... In truth, man is incurably foolish. Simple… Mark Twain
“ It was pitiful for a person born in a wholesome free atmosphere to listen to their humble and hearty outpourings of loyalty toward their king and Church and nobility; as if they had any more occasion… Mark Twain
“ The Indian may seem poor to we rich Westerners but in matters of the spirit it is we who are the paupers and they who are millionaires. Mark Twain
“ I haven't any right to criticize books, and I don't do it except when I hate them. I often want to criticize Jane Austen, but her books madden me so that I can't conceal my frenzy from the reader; and… Mark Twain
“ Homer, in the second book of the Iliad says with fine enthusiasm, Give me masturbation or give me death. Caesar, in his Commentaries, says, To the lonely it is company; to the forsaken it is a friend;… Mark Twain
“ I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying 'flee at once - all is discovered.' They all left town immediately. Mark Twain
“ Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century. Mark Twain
“ A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain. Mark Twain
“ I followed the other Experiment around, yesterday afternoon, at a distance, to see what it might be for, if I could. But I was not able to make [it] out. I think it is a man. I had never seen a man, b… Mark Twain
“ It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you to the heart: the one to slander you and the other to get the news to you. Mark Twain
