The second hand on my watch would twitch once, and a year would pass, and then it would twitch again.
Live by the harmless untruths that make you brave and kind and healthy and happy.
Life is divided up into phases, he said. Each one is very different from the others, and you have to be able to recognize what is expected of you in each phase. That’s the secret of successful living.
Skyscraper National Park
Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter could be said to remedy anything.
One of the few good things about modern times: If you die horribly on television, you will not have died in vain. You will have entertained us.
I’ve brought scientific thinking to literature. There’s been very little gratitude for this.
He told me off camera that he was despised by his neighbors for remembering when it was time to forget.
It's embarrassing to be human.
The lieutenant-colonel realized for the first time what most people never realize about themselves--that he was not only a victim of outrageous fortune, but one of outrageous fortune's cruelest agents...
Montana was naked, and so was Billy, of course. He had a tremendous wang, incidentally. You never know who'll get one.
Jones wasn’t completely crazy. The dismaying thing about the classic totalitarian mind is that any given gear, though mutilated, will have at its circumference unbroken sequences of teeth that are imm...
Campbell was an ordinary-looking man, but he was extravagantly costumed in a uniform of his own design. He wore a white ten-gallon hat and black cowboy boots decorated with swastikas and stars. He was...
The 2 prime movers in the Universe are Time and Luck.As the tag line of my favorite dirty joke would have it: "Keep your hat on. We could wind up miles from here.
Title: What Can a Thoughtful Man Hope for Mankind on Earth, Given the Experience of the Past Million Years? Only verse: Nothing.
The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest.
There is no why.
The television cameras dollied and panned about him like curious, friendly dinosaurs, sniffing and peering.
My wife thinks I think I’m such hot stuff. She’s wrong. I don’t think I’m such hot stuff.
That, in my opinion, was the most diabolical aspect of those old time big brains. They would tell their owners, in effect, 'Here is a crazy thing we could actually do, probably, but we would never do...