Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
I was so high, I needed a stepladder to scratch my own ass.
I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us.
You have to pretend that your life is a financial pleasure even when your autographs are bouncing.
How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design?
Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.
The best fiction is true.
Politics is the only field in which the more experience you have, the worse you get.
I've always said money may buy you a fine dog, but only love can make it wag its tail.
Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.
Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest.
May the God of your choice bless and keep you. I respect Him as long as He does not circumcise me anymore.
If you have the choice between humble and cocky, go with cocky. There's always time to be humble later, once you've been proven horrendously, irrevocably wrong.
No, nothing has changed in my life at all, and nothing would change if I had millions.
I never apologize for the truth. And the truth here is that racists come in many different colors.
I'll keep us out of war with Oklahoma!
We're first on executions. We're 49th in funding public education. We're in a race with Mississippi for the bottom, and we're winning.