John Swartzwelder Quote

I indicated that I had some free time at the moment and was willing to investigate what sounded like a most important case. How much do you charge? he asked. $500 a day, plus expenses. Will the expenses make it less? Possibly, but in my experience expenses usually add to the total. He thought about this for a moment, then frowned. Well, I suppose I should just forget about it then. Spending $500 a day to find something worth $20 wouldn't make economic sense. That’s true, if it's just the money you're concerned with here and not the justice angle. No, it was the money more than anything else. I guess it would be cheaper to just buy another one.

John Swartzwelder

I indicated that I had some free time at the moment and was willing to investigate what sounded like a most important case. How much do you charge? he asked. $500 a day, plus expenses. Will the expenses make it less? Possibly, but in my experience expenses usually add to the total. He thought about this for a moment, then frowned. Well, I suppose I should just forget about it then. Spending $500 a day to find something worth $20 wouldn't make economic sense. That’s true, if it's just the money you're concerned with here and not the justice angle. No, it was the money more than anything else. I guess it would be cheaper to just buy another one.

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About John Swartzwelder

John Joseph Swartzwelder Jr. (born February 8, 1949) is an American comedy writer and novelist, best known for his work on the animated television series The Simpsons. Born in Seattle, Washington, Swartzwelder began his career working in advertising. He was later hired to work on comedy series Saturday Night Live in the mid-1980s as a writer. He later contributed to fellow writer George Meyer's short-lived Army Man magazine, which led him to join the original writing team of The Simpsons, beginning in 1989.
He worked on The Simpsons as a writer and producer until 2003, and later contributed to The Simpsons Movie. He wrote the largest number of Simpsons episodes (59 full episodes, with contributions to several others) by a large margin. After his retirement from the show, he began a career as a writer of self-published absurdist novels. He has written more than a dozen novels, the most recent of which, The Spy with No Pants, was published in December 2020.
Swartzwelder is revered among comedy fans and his colleagues. He is known for his reclusiveness, and gave his first-ever interview in 2021, in The New Yorker. Per Mike Sacks, "Swartzwelder’s specialty on The Simpsons was conjuring dark characters from a strange, old America: banjo-playing hobos, cigarette-smoking ventriloquist dummies, nineteenth-century baseball players, rat-tailed carnival children, and pantsless, singing old-timers."