“ I'm 190 pounds of rock hard muscle, underneath 40 pounds of sturdy protective fat. John Swartzwelder
“ I try to maintain a positive attitude at all times, because clients notice little things like that, and if you're frowning and crying all the time and saying why? why?, they get worried. John Swartzwelder
“ I made a circular motion with my finger around my temple to indicate I thought this guy was crazy, forgetting that there was no one in the room to see this circular motion except him. He saw it and fr… John Swartzwelder
“ I was just turning away to leave when I noticed a slight distortion in the air in the shape of a hole at the point where Blinky had disappeared. It was so faint you couldn’t see it if you were looking… John Swartzwelder
“ I indicated that I had some free time at the moment and was willing to investigate what sounded like a most important case. How much do you charge? he asked. $500 a day, plus expenses. Will the expens… John Swartzwelder
“ I try to maintain a positive attitude at all times, because clients notice little things like that, and if you’re frowning and crying all the time and saying why? why?, they get worried. So I try to s… John Swartzwelder
“ As my exciting story opens, I am being punched in the stomach. But I guess a lot of stories start that way. John Swartzwelder
“ This guy was making me tired. Thanks for the afternoon’s entertainment, I said. I’ll flush a copy of my bill down the toilet. You should be getting it in a couple of days. John Swartzwelder
“ Everybody loves a good car chase. There’s something in it for everyone: plenty of high-speed action, lots of crashes and explosions, romance possibly, and all the property damage you could reasonably… John Swartzwelder
“ I was sleeping like a baby - waking up every three hours screaming and crapping my pants. John Swartzwelder
“ Now, I'm not the most observant of men, which is unfortunate, because I'm a private eye. John Swartzwelder
“ I'm 190 pounds of rock hard muscle, underneath 40 pounds of sturdy protective fat. It's important to have that layer of fat. You can't have guys hitting you in your muscles all the time. But that extr… John Swartzwelder
“ Any calls? I asked. She didn’t look up from her magazine. What am I, your secretary? Yes. Look, just leave me alone. John Swartzwelder
“ The guy who was punching me was a lot burlier than I was, so it hurt plenty. But I tried to pretend it didn't bother me at all, that I actually liked it. It was hard to do this convincingly, because h… John Swartzwelder
“ The next day, a dead turtle was left on my doorstep as a warning. I couldn’t figure out as a warning for what, and I guess whoever was watching me picked up on that, because the next morning there was… John Swartzwelder
“ I’ve been told by people that I’m shaped kind of like a garbage can, but I don’t know if that’s the truth, or just some kind of an insult. John Swartzwelder
“ It's tough to make a living in my racket. Most people who need detecting done just go to the cops. They're free. I have to charge money for essentially the same service. Another thing that makes it to… John Swartzwelder
“ He told me the crooks used this place for more than just a dumping ground for undesirables. He said they also had a lot of food stored here in case there was ever a nuclear war. That way they could in… John Swartzwelder
