Anyone who grew up in a household where carob passed for chocolate and apple pies were actually filled with zucchini will feel me here.
When she gets rattled, the South really comes out. Once when Daddy tried to cancel our country club membership because he said the dues were too high, she went from zero to Atlanta burning in zero poi...
What about my Girls Gone Mild life leads you to believe I’m a body shot shy of debauchery? Is it the pearls?
This way, when I do have something like special-occasion engagement cake, I can enjoy the whole damn thing without a twinge of remorse. I
The thing about mass transportation is that it transports the masses.
That which went wrong, and that which went right, would have been made easier if I were more focused on my goals.
Over the summer we chatted one night while Angie stripped a bed, changed wet sheets, comforted and repajamaed a toddler, and chased down a car of speeding teenagers while shaking a brick at them, neve...
I stuff another handful of Raisinets in my mouth. What gets me is the 'pretty face' bit. 'Cause I won't mind being reminded I'm fat as long as you water it down first. Why not say, Hey I'm going to in...
I don’t want to measure my success in clicks. I don’t want my value as a person determined by retweets. When I die, I guarantee I won’t care how many Tumblr followers I’ve had. And why is anyone follo...
Although they’re doing manual labor, they’re both wearing tailored slacks and dressy leather shoes, which
Were I forced to describe this woman in one word, that word would be...herpes.
She’s going to show up at the Mexican border once she finishes the marathon to her car, Fletch says. I nod. Sounds like it, yes. And she’s confident the border guards will simply stand there with open...
Seriously, our nation is never going to be on the same page on issues like gun control, welfare, the economy, the environment, etc. I doubt we'll ever come to terms on tastes great or less filling and...
No one gives out Congratulations on Not Being a Douche-Canoe medals, because good behavior is part of the social contract.
I don't care how happily married you are or how deeply enmeshed you are with your children and family and career -- every woman needs a couple of chicks who'll break out the sangria just because you n...
For the record? I have never been her baby. In fact, I reject the notion of coming out of her body. I prefer to believe I was hatched, or perhaps purchased.
Cost to clean deeply soiled rugs: $200. Cost to replace shiny, black, stack-heeled, pilgrim-toed boots: $185. Cost to fix every single delicious table and chair leg in the house: $490.Life with two sh...
You wonder if Amazon sells them because if they do then that’s a sign from God, especially if there’s a Buy with One Click button and somehow there’s a cellular data connection even though you’re driv...
EBay is a fine place to unload your Prada bag when you're in a desperate situation and it's exactly what the doctor ordered when searching for a specific item, say an authentic 1965 edition of the gam...
Some people are destined to be deep thinkers. I am not one of those people.