My mother is a good Christian woman who would never refuse someone a seat at her table, but I knew this was a nightmare for her. With Lula and Grandma at the table together, it’s much more likely that...
My mother drove back to the intersection. Who are you dating? Don't ask, I said. I wasn't dating anyone. I was fornicating with Batman.
My first thought was always of cake. His first thought was always of sex. Don’t get me wrong. I like sex . . . a lot. But it’s never going to replace cake.
My father hired you to protect me, Ahmed said, not to go off chasing men. Grandma leaned forward, keeping her eye on the Taurus. We think this guy killed Fred. Who's Fred? My uncle, I told him. He's m...
My body is not designed to run. My body was designed to sit in an expensive care and drive.
Mr. Landowsky was eighty-two and somehow his chest had shrunk over the years, and now he was forced to hike his pants up under his armpits. Oi, he said. This heat! I can't breathe. Somebody should do...
Morelli ran after him, there was a lot of yelling and growling, and Morelli came down empty-handed. He ate it, Morelli said. I was horrified to the point of gagging. Ranger stared down at his shoe, ma...
Men!At least we don't fake it.Listen, it was your uncle. And we were late, remember? So I made the sacrifice and got us there in time for dessert. You should be thanking me.Morelli's mouth was open sl...
Mary Lou et moi, on est amies depuis qu’on est toutes petites. J’étais le boute-en-train de service, et elle, le cancre de la classe. « Cancre » n’est peut-être pas le mot juste. Disons que ses object...
Life is about survival of the fittest, and Jersey is producing the master race.
Life is a series of natural changes. Resisting change only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.
Lennie Smullenski and Anthony Zuck bake the goodies in the back room in big steel ovens and troughs of hot oil. Clouds of flour and sugar sift onto table surfaces and slip under foot. And lard is tran...
I’ve been under a lot of stress lately. You know what I do when I got stress? Lula said. I go shoe shopping. I knit, Connie said. Get out! Lula said. I never knew you knit stuff. I don’t knit stuff, C...
I’m not spectral, but I’ve been told I can be pretty damn phenomenal.
I’m going out for muffins. Give me five minutes to get my shoes on. I don’t have five minutes, I said. I have things to do. I’ve got the panic button. I’ll be fine. I’ll bring a muffin back for you. W...
I’m a glass-is-half-full person now, and your sorry ass is still in half-empty country.
It's a penis,' Grandma said. 'Stephanie got it in the mail. It's a pretty good one too.
It means that he looks like my boyfriend, but I don’t say it out loud.
If God had wanted me to lose weight he would have made sure there was creamed spinach for dessert.
I'm a firm believer in denial. My reasoning is why deal with unpleasantness today when you could get hit by a bus tomorrow. And if you procrastinate long enough, maybe the issue will go away.