Janet Evanovich Quotes

I’m going out for muffins. Give me five minutes to get my shoes on. I don’t have five minutes, I said. I have things to do. I’ve got the panic button. I’ll be fine. I’ll bring a muffin back for you. W...

I’m going to run you down, back over you, and then I’m going to get out and shock you with my stun gun until your hair catches fire.

I’m not spectral, but I’ve been told I can be pretty damn phenomenal.

I’ve been under a lot of stress lately. You know what I do when I got stress? Lula said. I go shoe shopping. I knit, Connie said. Get out! Lula said. I never knew you knit stuff. I don’t knit stuff, C...

Lennie Smullenski and Anthony Zuck bake the goodies in the back room in big steel ovens and troughs of hot oil. Clouds of flour and sugar sift onto table surfaces and slip under foot. And lard is tran...

Lula and Grandma did a complicated high five.

Lula hauled herself up off the floor and put her hand to her neck. Do I got holes? Am I bleeding? Do I look like I’m turning into a vampire?No, no, and no, I told her. He doesn’t have his teeth in. He...

Men!At least we don't fake it.Listen, it was your uncle. And we were late, remember? So I made the sacrifice and got us there in time for dessert. You should be thanking me.Morelli's mouth was open sl...

Men! I said. You all a bunch of chauvinist moronsStephanie Plum - Ten Big Ones

My body is not designed to run. My body was designed to sit in an expensive care and drive.

My eyes never got lower than your nipples. If it wasn’t for the fact that Morelli would shoot me I would have taken you on his front lawn.

My father is an equal opportunity bigot. He wouldn’t deprive a man of his rights. And he’s not a hate-filled man. He simply knows in his heart that Italians are superior, that stereotypes were created...

My first thought was always of cake. His first thought was always of sex. Don’t get me wrong. I like sex . . . a lot. But it’s never going to replace cake.

My mother drove back to the intersection. Who are you dating? Don't ask, I said. I wasn't dating anyone. I was fornicating with Batman.

My mother is a good Christian woman who would never refuse someone a seat at her table, but I knew this was a nightmare for her. With Lula and Grandma at the table together, it’s much more likely that...

My son never eats baloney. He says the stuff in baloney will kill you. I say when? I’ve got cataracts, high blood pressure, enlarged prostate, skin cancer, hemorrhoids, an artificial hip, false teeth,...

Never underestimate maternal rage.

No way, she said. The lid was already up. Did you stick the dead guy with a pin to make sure he was dead? I didn’t do that either. And I only did that once,

Not that I've noticed. She looked down at my gun. What a nice Glock. My sister carries a Glock, and she just loves it. I was thinking about trading in my .45, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. My...

Nothing Personal? You've harrassed my mother, stolen my car, and now you're telling people I've gotten you pregnant! In my opinion, getting someone pregnant is pretty fucking personal! Jesus, isn't it...