You're a magnet for mess. I've never seen anything like it.Lula to Stephanie
You sound like your mother. Sometimes she’s right. Truth is, she was almost always right. And my life would probably be improved if I listened to her more often.
You never know when Mr. Good Enough is gonna come along. I like to be ready.
You know what your problem is? You got too many scruples. One or two is okay, but you get too many of them, and it clogs everything up.What she said made no sense at all, but was probably right.I got...
Who else’s wife did you sleep with? Lula asked. Recently? Lula turned to me. And we’re supposed to be keeping him from getting a rocket up his butt why?
When you live in Jersey a beach isn’t enough. People have energy in Jersey. They need things to do. They need a beach with a boardwalk. And the boardwalk has to be filled with rides and games and crap...
We’re taking Forest to the police station, and then I’m taking the minions home with me. I’ll stash them in my apartment until someone springs Forest. They haven’t put the carpet down yet, and Briggs...
Well, sure, but I don't bring God into it. I think shower massage might have been invented by the devil. God invented the missionary position.
We could track down a gang guy wanted for armed robbery and assault. That sounds like a lot of fun, but I might have to pass on account of I don’t want to die right now. We could visit some of Sunny’s...
We better hurry, Grandma said. I don't want to be late for the viewing. I want to get a good seat right up front, and there'll probably be a crowd, being that the deceased was shot. You know how some...
Truth is, I'm a good Catholic girl. The faith has always been elusive, but the guilt is intractable.
This is why I’m not married, Ranger said. Women ask questions. Unh! I said, smacking my forehead with the heel of my hand. That’s not why you’re not married. You’re not married because you’re … imposs...
This is part of the problem with the world today, Diesel said. People don’t believe in the mystical.
They got stuff here that I didn’t even know existed. Everything’s spandex and sequins. It’s a retired ho’s dream come true.
There’s a difference between having maturity and being mature. I’m not ready to be mature. I don’t want to see the AARP magazine in my mailbox.
There were two doors that opened off the hallway. The doors were labeled PUSSY and MOTHERFUCKERS. I'm taking the Motherfuckers door, I said to Ranger. No way. That's my door.Well, I'm sure as hell not...
There was no expression to his face. He looked like he’d seen it all and didn’t think much of it.
There are four ways to manage stress. There's drugs, there's alcohol, there's sex, and there's doughnuts. I go with sex and doughnuts. I tried the other two and it wasn't any good. You being in a dry...
The third message was from my mother. 'Why me?' she said. 'Why do I have to have a daughter who finds dead bodies? Where did I go wrong? Emily Beeber's daughter never finds dead bodies. Joanne Melanow...
The clock on the dash told me I was seven minutes late, and the urge to scream told me I was home.