Janet Evanovich Quotes

I swear, Hal said, this place is like the Bermuda Triangle. It’s friggin’ spooky. I went out to feed the monkeys last night, and I saw the Easter Bunny walking down the road with Sasquatch. And now th...

I thought you didn't drink coffee, I said to Ranger. What about your body being a temple? He sipped at the coffee. It's my disguise. It goes with the haircut. Will you let your hair grow back?Probably...

I thought you wanted to date other women?I didn't want to date other women. We decided in the heat of the moment that were no longer exclusively attached.And I could date other men.Morelli was startin...

I took the stool next to him, raising an eyebrow at the coffee and cruller on the counter. Thought you weren't into internal pollution, I said. Lately Ranger'd been on a health food thing. Props, Rang...

I turned the key in the ignition and pulled away from the curb. What will you do if you see Mo? I’ll snatch the little fucker up by his gonads and squash him into the trunk of my car.

I want nothing. There is no pizza. There is no you, no me, no us, no pizza. And don’t ever call me again, you scummy, slimy fungus-ridden dog turd, piece of fly crud.

I want to be there when you get Cubbin. And I don’t want to be left out of the television show either. Little people are sexy now. Have you seen Game of Thrones? We’re hot.

I want you to leave the guns in the car. These are Trekkies we’re dealing with. They could put the Vulcan death grip on us.

I was going to go to church, but I decided to get doughnuts instead.

I was in no rush to get back to the funeral parlor, so I called Ranger again. Hi, I said to his answering service. It’s me. Things are looking up. Your wife is tailing me, but she hasn’t shot at me ye...

I wasn’t a fabulous cook. I didn’t have a boyfriend, much less a husband. And I wasn’t a big financial success. I could live with all those failings as long as I knew that once in a while I looked rea...

I wasn’t much good with a gun, but I was bitchin’ with an aerosol can.

I won’t have to look for a parking place. Tank’s picking me up. You’re working with a guy named Tank? He’s big. Jesus, Morelli said. I had to fall in love with a woman who works with a guy named Tank....

I'm going to get her good. She's messed with me one time too many. Remember when she called me an old slut?' Grandma whacked a carrot in half. 'Well, I'm not all that old.

Is that your granny? Ranger wanted to know. Yup. She was checking to make sure Moogey was here. You’ve got a helluva gene pool, babe.

It was mesmerizing, Grandma said. It was like staring into the eye of a cobra. I don’t care if I do anything else on the bucket list. This was awesome. It was like a biblical experience.

It was two whacked-out guys who said they always wanted to kidnap a midget.

It's not the pizza, darlin', its my masculine presence.Joe Morelli

I’m not sure why I’m still working for Vinnie, except that the office is across from a bakery.

I’m seventy-six years old. You think they’re gonna send some seventy-six-year-old guy to prison because he flashed his stuff around? I sincerely hoped so.