I turned the key in the ignition and pulled away from the curb. What will you do if you see Mo? I’ll snatch the little fucker up by his gonads and squash him into the trunk of my car.
I took the stool next to him, raising an eyebrow at the coffee and cruller on the counter. Thought you weren't into internal pollution, I said. Lately Ranger'd been on a health food thing. Props, Rang...
I thought you were trying to lose weight. Yeah, but I don’t want to waste away to nothing. And anyway, everyone knows you don’t gain weight on Sunday. Sunday’s a free day.
I thought you wanted to date other women?I didn't want to date other women. We decided in the heat of the moment that were no longer exclusively attached.And I could date other men.Morelli was startin...
I swear, Hal said, this place is like the Bermuda Triangle. It’s friggin’ spooky. I went out to feed the monkeys last night, and I saw the Easter Bunny walking down the road with Sasquatch. And now th...
I sensed a familiar presence behind me. A hand brushed my hair back, and Ranger leaned in to me and kissed me on the nape of my neck.
I rented Ghostbusters, my all-time favorite inspirational movie. I picked up some microwave, popcorn, a KitKat, a bag of bite-sized Reese's peanut butter cups, and a box of instant hot chocolate with...
I ordered a pitcher of beer, Morelli said. Hope that’s okay. It’s perfect. I need it now. Morelli whistled through his teeth, and everyone jumped in the restaurant. He raised his hand and mouthed Beer...
I like the way you've let your hair go curly, he finally said. Suits your personality. Lots of energy, not much control, sexy as hell,Joe Morelli to Stephanie Plum
I give people gift cards, Lula said. You could buy them in the supermarket. They’re easy. There’s gift cards for everything from Starbucks to Target and in between. I like them on account of the messa...
I don’t know what this country’s coming to when an old lady can’t keep a gun in her purse.
I don’t have a car. How am I going to get around? Taxi. Skateboard. Drone pickup. Figure it out!
I don’t get writer's block because I don’t believe in it. I believe you sit in front of the computer and force your fingers to get something on the screen.
I don’t care that you’re short. I like lots of things that are short. Little dogs and daffodils. I hate you because you’re mean as a snake. Would it kill you to be nice?
I don't know much about cars, Joyce said, but I think someone took my engine.
I attributed the incidence to temporary insanity, and in my own defense, I'd like to say I haven't run over anyone since.
Holy Mary, mother of God, my mother said. You were being chased by Richard Nixon, Bill Clinton, and a rabbit.
He reached out, opened the glove compartment, and took out a gun. It was a Smith & Wesson .38 five-shot special. It looked a lot like my gun.I stopped by your apartment this morning and picked this up...
He pooped twice, and I didn’t pick it up. My feeling is if God wanted me to pick up dog poop he would have made it look like diamonds and smell like roses.
He had one foot on the floor, one foot hanging over the armrest, and Carl was sleeping on his chest. It was endearing