Is that a bulletproof vest? See, now that's so insulting. That's like saying I'm not smart enough to shoot you in the head. Eddie DeChooch
If she wasn't standing there, I'd grab you and shake you until the fillings fell out of your teeth.Police brutality.It has nothing to do with being a cop. It has to a do with being Italian.
If I had a Yeti hiding in my closet I’d take the cat and go someplace else too, Lula said. We
I'm sorry about your Porsche.I can replace the Porsche. I can't replace you. You need to be more careful.I was just sitting in your car!Babe, you're a magnet for disaster.
I'm going to get her good. She's messed with me one time too many. Remember when she called me an old slut?' Grandma whacked a carrot in half. 'Well, I'm not all that old.
I'd do the lifting, but I just got a manicure. And I notice you don't have a manicure at all. Only thing noticeable about your hands is the missing tan on your ring finger that I don't care about. -Lu...
I woke up wrapped in Ranger’s arms, our legs entwined, my face snuggled into his neck. He smelled nice, and he felt even better . . . warm and friendly. I enjoyed it for a moment before reality took h...
I was watching television and I saw how you stick your fingers in a person's eyes to slow them down.Grandma Mazur
I was pretty sure this time Babe meant I was giving him a cramp in his sphincter.
I want to be there when you get Cubbin. And I don’t want to be left out of the television show either. Little people are sexy now. Have you seen Game of Thrones? We’re hot.
I think I got a bruise from landing on you. I hear bacon is real good for healing a bruise.
I rooted through my pocketbook and did a fast paraphernalia inventory. I was carrying defense spray, which was a big no-no in a crowded mall. And I carried a stun gun, which on close examination turne...
I mostly eat peanut butter sandwiches. Peanut butter and banana, peanut butter and jelly, peanut butter and potato chips, peanut butter and olives, and peanut butter and marshmallow goo. So sue me, I...
I make lots of mistakes. I try hard not to make the same mistake more than three or four times.
I know what you're thinking, Grandma said into the silence. Do I have anymore bullets in this here gun? Well, with all the confusion, what with being locked up in a refrigerator, I plumb forgot what w...
I hate this, Morelli said. Why can’t I have a girlfriend who has normal problems . . . like breaking a fingernail or missing a period or falling in love with a lesbian?
I guessed my mother figured if my father got right down to the task of eating he wouldn’t be so inclined to jump up and strangle my grandmother.
I guess that’s where I heard of her. There’s lots of people in that seniors’ club, and I don’t go to the meetings all the time. I can only take so much of old people. If I want to see loose skin I can...
I grew up with Morelli, lost my virginity to him, ran over him with my father’s Buick in a fit of justifiable rage, and now years later he’s my boyfriend.
I figured I'd embellish the truth a little, since the police might not be up on the finer points of bounty hunterism and might not understand about commandeering.