When I was young, I got a lot of tattoos, and now they don’t look so good. One time, I got drunk and got Eisenhower tattooed on my balls, but now he looks like Orville Redenbacher.
We’ve got to get into shape, I said to Lula. We should go to a gym or something. I’d sooner set myself on fire. That about summed it up for me, too.
Well, you must be doing something right. Someone wants to kill you. That’s always a good sign.
Well that’s disappointing, Grandma Mazur said. I expected something better from her.
Welcome to Château du Roi, Carter said. Of course the house had a name, Kate thought, and one about as subtle as the three cars out front. Castle of the King. She decided to name her apartment somethi...
This is the advantage to being an eccentric. Everyone expects you to be eccentric. Emerson
This here’s the twenty-first century. Just ’cause we’re women don’t mean we can’t be sick as men.
There was only one way I could see managing this. I got out, ran around the car, opened his door, and straddled him with one leg outside and one foot on the console. Beeeeeep! My ass was on the horn....
The smiling old man at the wheel had a spray-on tan, capped teeth, and was wearing a toupee. His face was pulled so tight that the double chin above his cravat might once have been his scrotum.
The only normal people are people you don't know very well. Diesel That's a quote from a famous person, I told him. Lizzy Tucker
The note wasn't signed, but I could tell it was from Morelli by the way my nipples got hard.
The knife easily cut through the silky material of my shirt and my bra, and a huge wad of toilet paper fell out.
The elevator doors opened, and Ranger stepped out and spied Tank stretched out on the carpet.Fainted, I said.Ranger walked to Tank and stood hands on hips, staring down at him. Tank doesn't faint. I'v...
The Chihuahua pack was snoozing at his feet. All heads came up when I approached. I brought food for the minions, I said to Forest. Do you hear that, my teensy minions? The nice lady brought us food.
That’s nice of you, but it’s not necessary to loan me a car.I loan you cars all the time.And I almost always destroy them or lose them. I have terrible luck with cars. Working at Rangeman is a high-st...
That's how hospitals get you. You go in to visit and before you know it they got a camera stuck up your butt and they're looking' to find poloponies.
Superbia, Acedia, Luxuria, Ira, Gula, Invidia, Avaritia. The seven deadly sins. That’s the extent of my Latin.
So you need an alarm system because you gonna be in bad neighborhoods?Actually, I sort of stole a car, and I'm afraid the owner will try to get it back.
So sorry for your loss, Grandma said to Monica. My condolences.Yeah, whatever, Monica said.Grandma leaned into the casket for a close look.What are you gonna do, kiss him? Monica asked.I was trying to...
Seneca, the Roman philosopher. Sometimes, even to live is an act of courage.