Janet Evanovich Quotes

Are you sure you don't know where Jimmy is hiding?''Maybe I'll remember if you show me your tits.''That's disgusting. This is a viewing. There's a dead woman in there.''How about if I asked to see the...

You have a gun! Why didn’t you use it on Ramirez? Jesus, you hit him with your pocketbook like some sissy girl.

You know nothing. You’re nothing but a skank-ass, pencil-dick hemorrhoid. And you smell like anal leakage. Say what?

You made the paper again, Grandma said. And the phone's been ringing off the hook. Your mother's in the kitchen, ironing.My mother always irons during times of disaster. Some people drink, some take d...

Mrs. Zuppa was coming in from bingo just as I was leaving the building. Looks like you're going to work, she said, leaning heavily on her cane. What are you packin'? A thirty-eight.I like a nine-milli...

My mother came into the kitchen. Whose car is that parked in front of our house?That's Stephanie's new car, Grandma said. Isn't it a pip?One of my mother's eyebrows raised in question. Two new cars? W...

My big move was to get out of my underpants without snagging my foot and falling on my face.

My grandmother is a little Cuban woman who cooks all day and speaks Spanish. Your grandmother watches pay-per-view porn. She used to watch the Weather Channel, but she said there wasn’t enough action.

The other hand wanted to wrap itself around Ranger’s most perfect body part and not let go.

My Spanish is limited to burrito and taco,

The third message was from my mother. 'Why me?' she said. 'Why do I have to have a daughter who finds dead bodies? Where did I go wrong? Emily Beeber's daughter never finds dead bodies. Joanne Melanow...

My goodness, my mother said, reading the label. It’s a tenderloin. I just got it in, Randy said. It’s corn-fed, and it’s got real good marbling. I know everybody’s always talking about grass-fed beef,...

You have the Super Soaker filled with holy water?Yeah. I sucked it out of the church. You know that bird-bath thing they got right up front?The baptismal font?That’s it. They got it filled with holy w...

The only normal people are people you don't know very well. Diesel That's a quote from a famous person, I told him. Lizzy Tucker

Truth is, I'm a good Catholic girl. The faith has always been elusive, but the guilt is intractable.

The result is sometimes an ugly display of old lady bitch slapping.

There were two doors that opened off the hallway. The doors were labeled PUSSY and MOTHERFUCKERS. I'm taking the Motherfuckers door, I said to Ranger. No way. That's my door.Well, I'm sure as hell not...

Do I look like I’m dressed for a snake jamboree? I don’t think so.

My mother was about three feet from Pooka. She threw herself forward, grabbed hold of his shirt, and they both went down to the ground. They rolled around a little and by the time I reached them, my m...

You have no spirit of culinary adventure. You need to be more like that snarky guy on the Travel Channel. He goes all over the world eating kangaroo a**holes and snail throw-up. He'd eat anything. He...