I woke up wrapped in Ranger’s arms, our legs entwined, my face snuggled into his neck. He smelled nice, and he felt even better . . . warm and friendly. I enjoyed it for a moment before reality took h...
I was pretty sure this time Babe meant I was giving him a cramp in his sphincter.
I took the stool next to him, raising an eyebrow at the coffee and cruller on the counter. Thought you weren't into internal pollution, I said. Lately Ranger'd been on a health food thing.Props, Range...
I think I got a bruise from landing on you. I hear bacon is real good for healing a bruise.
I make lots of mistakes. I try hard not to make the same mistake more than three or four times.
I looked around the lot. Is he dead anywhere nearby? I really wanted a no on this one. I’d already had my millennium quota of dead. You see that big bush by the Dumpster? Jackie said. Yeah. You see th...
I know what you're thinking, Grandma said into the silence. Do I have anymore bullets in this here gun? Well, with all the confusion, what with being locked up in a refrigerator, I plumb forgot what w...
I know that the Federal Reserve vault holds more gold than Fort Knox. Fort Knox only holds about four thousand six hundred tons of gold. The Federal Reserve vault holds approximately seven thousand. T...
I hate this, Morelli said. Why can’t I have a girlfriend who has normal problems . . . like breaking a fingernail or missing a period or falling in love with a lesbian?
I got a body stuck to my windshield! Lula yelled. I can’t drive like this! I can’t get my wipers to work. How am I supposed to drive with a dead guy on my wipers?
I figured I'd embellish the truth a little, since the police might not be up on the finer points of bounty hunterism and might not understand about commandeering.
I can’t cut back. I’ve turned into a sex addict. I get within a foot of Ranger or Morelli and I’m ready to go … and go, and go, and go, and go.That’s a lot of going. I’m a retired professional, and it...
I buy wine according to the bottle design. After I get down the first glass it all tastes okay to me so I figure you go for something classy to look at on the table
I ate the 100 Grand bar first, and then the Kit Kat,
I always wanted to eat with a Negro, Grandma said. Yeah, well, I always wanted to eat with a boney-assed old white woman, Lula said. So I guess this works out good. Grandma and Lula did some complicat...
I always know it's Sunday because I wake up feeling apologetic. That's one of the cool things about being a Catholic … it's a multifaceted experience.
I OPENED THE front door to Morelli’s house and Bob
How’s it going? Morelli wanted to know. It’s average. Stole a truck. Blew up a house. Brought seven monkeys home with me. And now I have a naked man in my shower. Yeah, same ol’, same ol’, Morelli sai...
He's hot, Lula said, but he's a pig. All men are pigs.Do you really believe that?No but it's a point of view to keep in mind . You don't want to go around thinkin' shit is your fault. Next thing you k...
He lowered his mouth and kissed me. I know I should have kneed him in the groin, but the kiss was delicious. Joe Morelli still knew how to kiss.