I've been keeping a diary for thirty-three years and write in it every morning. Most of it's just whining, but every so often there'll be something I can use later: a joke, a description, a quote. It'...
But I have no mind for business and considered staying awake to be enough of an accomplishment.
We started when I was in the fourth grade, which would have made me ten, I guess. It’s different for everyone, but at that age, though I couldn’t have said that I was gay, I knew that I was not like t...
When her muzzle grew more white than brown, the chipmunk forgot that she and the squirrel had had nothing to talk about. She forgot the definition of jazz as well and came to think of it as every beau...
The rabbit of Easter. He bring of the chocolate.
If some people are outed, are other people inned? Can we say that someone has been besided or overed?
Hugh and I have been together for so long that in order to arouse extraordinary passion, we need to engage in physical combat. Once, he hit me on the back of the head with a broken wineglass, and I fe...
Another word I’ve added to the list is conversation, as in We need to have a national conversation about_________. This is employed by the left to mean You need to listen to me use the word ‘diversity...
My hands tend to be full enough dealing with people who hate me for who I am. Concentrate too hard on the millions of people who hate you for what you are and you're likely to turn into one of those u...
The combination of ammonia and chloride can be lethal but I've discovered it can work miracles as long as you keep telling yourself, I want to love, I want to live...
Sex is what you boast about when you have no exterior signs of wealth. It's a way of saying, Look, I might not own a fancy sport coat, or even a carry-on bag, but I do have two women and all the inter...
I find it ridiculous to assign a gender to an inanimate object incapable of disrobing and making an occasional fool of itself.
I don't think of myself as overly prissy, but it bothered me to find a finger on my bedroom floor.
He has a passport, my classmates would whisper. Quick, let's run before he judges us!
All of us take pride and pleasure in the fact that we are unique, but I'm afraid that when all is said and done the police are right: it all comes down to fingerprints.
A good [short story] would take me out of myself and then stuff me back in, outsized, now, and uneasy with the fit.
The trouble with aggressive nonsmokers is that they feel they are doing you a favor by not allowing you to smoke. They seem to think that one day you'll look back and thank them for those precious fif...
Like all of my friends, she's a lousy judge of character.
It was one of those situations I often find myself in while traveling. Something's said by a stranger I've been randomly thrown into contact with, and I want to say, Listen. I'm with you on most of th...
I hate you' she said to me one afternoon. 'I really, really hate you.' Call me sensitive, but I couldn't help but take it personally.