It's hard to love a place that's outlawed smoking but finds it perfectly acceptable to serve raw fish in a bath of chocolate.
Certain motherfuckers think they can fuck with my shit, but you can't kill the Rooster. You might can fuck him up some times, but, bitch, nobody kills the motherfucking Rooster. You know what I'm sayi...
Yes, I am talking about boat trailers, but also I am dying.
The thing about sports, at least for guys, is that nobody ever defines the rules, not even in gym class. Asking what a penalty means is like asking who Jesus was. It’s one of those things you’re just...
Sex, the driver said, Has no one ever told you about it?I took the New York Times from my carry-on bag and pretended to read, an act that apparently explained it all.Ohhh, the driver said, I understan...
Like most seasoned phonies, I roundly suspect that everyone is as disingenuous as I am.
It hardly seemed fair, because, unlike a horse or a Seeing Eye dog, the whole glory of being a bird is that nobody would ever put you to work.
Hugh and I have been together for so long that in order to arouse extraordinary passion, we need to engage in physical combat. Once, he hit me on the back of the head with a broken wineglass, and I fe...
He has a passport, my classmates would whisper. Quick, let's run before he judges us!
A good [short story] would take me out of myself and then stuff me back in, outsized, now, and uneasy with the fit.
I've been keeping a diary for thirty-three years and write in it every morning. Most of it's just whining, but every so often there'll be something I can use later: a joke, a description, a quote. It'...
She was the human equivalent of a storm cloud.
We started when I was in the fourth grade, which would have made me ten, I guess. It’s different for everyone, but at that age, though I couldn’t have said that I was gay, I knew that I was not like t...
They did not live in a child’s house, we lived in theirs.
There seemed to be some correlation between devotion to God and a misguided zeal for marshmallows.
If you aren't cute, you may as well be clever.
I don't think of myself as overly prissy, but it bothered me to find a finger on my bedroom floor.
Speed eliminates all doubt. Am I smart enough? Will people like me? Do I really look all right in this plastic jumpsuit?
He’s braw and pulchritudinous,
When her muzzle grew more white than brown, the chipmunk forgot that she and the squirrel had had nothing to talk about. She forgot the definition of jazz as well and came to think of it as every beau...